A Letter To The People Around Me
Dear extroverted people, I’ve always dreamed of becoming like one of you. I thought that being like one of you will make me more like a normal person. I always think that I am weird because I am often reserved. It took me long to realize that I will never be an extrovert like you. That realization made me admire you. I admire you for two of reasons. One. I respect you because it didn’t take you long to get along with everyone. How can you make friends with half of the class at the first day of school? What kind of charm, spell, or enchantment do you use? When I’m going to talk to a person, it takes a lot of mental revision before initiating a conversation. Usually my train of thought includes a topic, then question, and follow-up question until the person shares something so all I have to do is listen.
Two. I marvel at how it is natural for you to share your opinions. How can you do it without being afraid of the response that you will get? I always fear being called in class to share my opinion on things. It feels like any minute a person can oppose my beliefs and I don’t know how to defend it.
Dear teachers, it may seem to you that I am not trying enough to participate in the class. But please know that sometimes I want to participate but I was overwhelmed by fear. I am scared to answer because I focus more on the technicalities of things. I contemplate about the correct usage of grammar, choosing the right words, and the like. And by the time that I have picked the appropriate response, the discussion about the topic was over. Every word that I somehow managed to get out of my tongue was well rehearsed. I’m sorry for not being good enough in oral activities and group activities. I always felt like I’m not important enough to be heard. I also feel like I’m eccentric to belong in a group.
Dear classmates, I’m sorry if I have offended you by the way I glance at you. It may look that I am judging you based on my face but believe me, I do not. I just don’t know what I should do with my face. I can’t smile because that will totally creep you out. I can’t frown because you will think that I’m mad at you. Plus, frowning is a negative thing. My “judging face” is actually my neutral face. I’m sorry for being so awkward. We may have met in the hallways or on the street and most probably, I didn’t approach you. I’m sorry for being rude. Most of the time, I saw you but I didn’t know how to initiate a conversation. I didn’t know how to start a small talk. Also I think that it is more awkward to have a small talk. Having a small talk is hard because when we run out of topics to talk about we will just walk awkwardly together. I can’t bear to be in that awkward situation for long and I’m really sorry about it.
Sincerely,
Just an introvert
