Dalai Lama’s Approaches For Loneliness, Envy, And Suffering
The three most important points in the section “The Obstacles to Joy” in The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Tutu, and Douglas Abrams are loneliness, envy, and suffering. The purpose of all three sections is to inform the audience of the main idea: the key to remaining joyful is focusing on others, not on oneself. One of the book’s major themes is the solidarity felt through the bond of humanity. Loneliness, envy, and suffering all pertain to the theme of the book. These three points, I feel are the most important. I agree with all of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop's approaches for loneliness, envy, and suffering.
Without someone to lean on for support, one will end up in a state of loneliness. Over the generations, “People have gotten a smaller and smaller amount of close friends”. This is because of our materialistic lifestyle even when we are ultimately connected by our humanity and our underlying responsibility to each other – and this can greatly relieve loneliness. This is not similar to being physically alone, however, and this is all based on our own attitude towards others. When we focus on ourselves, we create more mistrust and this can lead to loneliness. I agree with the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop. In 2015 my family experienced a vicissitude, and I moved to Sacramento. When I was a sophomore I didn’t have friends; so I focused a lot on myself. I realized how unhappy I was, and how life was harder than it should be. The first two months were the hardest until I made friends. These friends eventually became close friends, friends I could rely on. They made life easier and more enjoyable.
Envy comes from comparing oneself to others. In Frans De Waal’s study, even capuchin monkeys compare as well but only humans feel a greater dissatisfaction from this. Comparing ourselves with our social circle is natural, but “upward compassion”can create a burden within us and this is the Tibetan term for trakdok. In response to this, Archbishop Tutu tells us about acceptance and self-forgiveness. When we reframe our envy and focus on gratitude, we remedy our envy. On the other hand, the Dalai Lama explains that jealousy can ruin friendship and peace of mind so it must be avoided. He, contrary to the Archbishop, says that sympathetic joy or mudita can remedy our envy. When we feel joy amongst others who feel joy, we recognize our shared humanity. Both the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop have different responses to envy. But, in the end, have the same concept: focusing on others’ happiness can alleviate envy. I agree with their approach to countering envy. There is a recurring theme throughout this book: the key to remaining joyful is focusing on others, not on oneself. As I get older in life, I want more things. So I start comparing and jealousy accrues. Comparing ourselves to others is natural, but is cancerous to our health. Instead of being jealous of somebody, I learned to be happy for them. I used to be in the marching band back in high school. These two individuals, Ben and Paige, were two of the most gifted individuals I have met. I used to compare myself to them, and my self-esteem would take a hit. I realized that they were so much better than me; and, that they were out of my league. Sometime during my junior year, we became good friends. This is when I wanted them to succeed; I wanted them to continue being great. I started being happy for them. This didn’t make me sad if anything it made me happy. It made me happy knowing they were happy.
Painful experiences can cause us to feel greater joy or a “sharp relief” which leads to happiness. When we do not allow our children to experience pain or suffering, we restrain them from growing through adversity. The Seven-Point Mind Training in Tibet creates three groups as the focus or roots of virtue and these are family, teachers, and enemies. These three roots of virtue allow us to maintain joy amidst suffering by giving up self-absorption and focus on other people’s needs. Throughout the Dalai Lama’s life, he found joy because of the suffering he experienced. He concludes that this is the way we can get through our own difficulties rather than being swallowed by them. I agree with both the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop. When I first arrived at my new school, there was this sense of struggle. I struggled to fit into this new lifestyle. A week into school, I wanted to move back. I was not use to this big of a challenge. Looking back at it, I am glad that I moved. This allowed me to meet new friends and create new memories. If I stayed, this would not have happened. Don’t get me wrong I was happy living in Maryland. But if I would have stayed I wouldn’t have suffered. Suffering helped me grow as a person. Through suffering, I have learned the importance of adversity.
The section “The obstacles to Joy” addresses the most pressing obstacles humans face to joy. The audience learns the importance of each obstacles but learns how loneliness, envy, and suffering are the three most important points. These three points relate to the main idea of this book: the key to remaining joyful is focusing on others, not on oneself. This main idea is what makes the theme possible: solidarity in humanity. The authors bring up both the main idea and the theme drastically throughout the book. This reminds the audience and informs them how important it is to develop a sense of “we” and not “me”.
