Effects Of Early Divorce On Children
Divorce in early childhood is not socially uncommon in today’s society, with approximately 43% of Australian marriages ending in divorce (AIOFS, 2017). Divorce early in a child’s life can be extremely stressful and can potentially cause delayed or altered development, with every child reacting differently. The two main factors of development which can be affected by early childhood divorce is behaviour and emotions. Additionally, this development can be influenced by the way in which the parent deals with the situation, including how they address the situation with their child, and the variation of changes in their life (Halford, K, 2018). This area of research focusses on Sociocultural Influences, as it evaluates and discusses the behavioural, cognitive, language and communication and emotional development of children.
When exploring the effects of divorce in early childhood, different aspects of a person which are affected by divorce were considered, however, it was decided that the focus will be on the emotional and behavioural effects of divorce. The investigation will concentrate on children under the age of eight.
The investigation will incorporate both primary and secondary sources. Secondary sources include articles, internet sites, PDF files and YouTube videos. The secondary sources provided useful information and a means of comparison between each source. The primary sources – including interviews with child psychologists, and government documents – were able to be highly utilized as they focus on true, real experiences of the effects of divorce on children’s development, however, they could have given potentially biased responses due to personal opinions drawn on the topic .
Often when a child is going through something as lifechanging as parental divorce, they may not know how to express their feelings and thoughts about it and result to changing their behaviour to deal with the stress (Stapleton, A, 2009). Behavioural outrages are normal for children as they struggle to deal with their own feelings and emotions and try to cope in any way possible, often aggressively and through frustration (Halford, K, 2018). A child can show slightly aggressive traits such as acting out, to very outraged behaviour (Stapleton, A, 2009). Children with divorced parents are more likely to show aggressive and disobedient traits.
In infancy, crying and other selected behaviours may evolve as they express their feelings through physical expressions (Harold, G, 2018). If there is stress or tension in an infant’s life, they may express higher levels of distress and irritability (Harold, G, 2018). They often articulate these emotions through attention seeking such as crying, or difficultly in sleeping due to the fear of sleeping alone (Harold, G, 2018).
The main area of behavioural changes in children aged 4-8 can be seen at school. Conflict in family situations can be reflected in their behaviour and interaction between others during school (Harold, G, 2018). Their level of success with their schooling can decrease due to lack of motivation and disrespect for authority and rules, not listening to teachers and not wanting to abide by the rules. Children also can become aggressive to peers or develop antisocial problems, such as difficulty when maintaining close friendships between parents, siblings and peers (Harold, G, 2018). Behavioural changes can also be seen in normal life situations. This was discussed in an interview with Kyla Backman, mother of a three and five-year-old, who says, “My older children had significant behavioural changes, whereas my younger did not as she was too young. My older daughter found the need to be defiant with everything I said and built up anxiety and anxiousness with new situations.” (Backman, K, 2019).
Parents often find it difficult to supress their own feelings and children are often affected by this negative display of emotions. Therefore, if the way in which a parent behaves has changed, it is most likely that behaviours demonstrated in a child will also be altered as children reflect on parent’s actions (Stapleton, A, 2009) (Parlakian, R, Unknown).
During the time of a divorce, it can be severely challenging for children to manage their emotions and feelings toward the change, however, studies show that most children adjust reasonably well in the long term (Halford, K, 2019). In early childhood, the event which happen in a child’s life has significant developmental consequences emotionally. This conflict can impact a child’s psychological growth, and this can be further stunted through unresolved parental arguments (McIntosh, J, 2019). As a young child, they often struggle to understand the reason behind what is going on and often internalise their thoughts and feelings towards the issue (McIntosh, J… [et al.], 2009).
Young children are almost completely reliant on parents and have the need for constant care from a primary caregiver (Pickhardt, C, 2011). Parental conflict can disrupt their emotional development and it can even become stunted. Psychologist John T. Chirban from Harvard Medical School says that, “Since divorce often disrupts the flow of nurturing support, it can make it difficult for children to effectively master their developmental challenges in emotional growth and development” (Chirban, J, 2016). When surrounded by constant tension and arguments, children may feel like their parents are too occupied with what is going on between themselves and thus feel neglected (Chirban, J, 2016). This can eventually lead to development issues when gaining trust for people and situations in later stages of life (Chirban, J, 2016).
Preschool children, aged between 3 and 4, are generally unable to effectively deconstruct situations occurring in their life and find it difficult to predict the outcomes (McIntosh, J…, 2009). This uncertainty leads to them struggling to manage their feelings and often blaming themselves and fearing abandonment by their parents (McIntosh, J…, 2009). According to psychologist Carl E Pickhardt from a private counselling institute in Austin, Texas, “The child wants to feel more connected in a family situation where a major disconnection has occurred.” And therefore, they may persist in taking issues personally and try to reconnect their parents to try and supress what they are actually feeling (Pickhardt, C, 2011).
Children who are involved in a family who have separated compared to those of a stable family, have a higher chance of suffering from depression and anxiety (Morin, A, 2019). Statistics show that divorce in childhood are twice as likely to have mental health problems, substance abuse and attempting suicide, compared to children whose parents are not separated (Halford, K, 2018). Studies show that suicide rate of children to young adult has risen along with the divorce rate (Morin, A, 2019).
Many children early on in life will experience the effects of parental divorce, and it is completely normal for them to be unsettled and upset by the changes (Raising Children Network, 2016). It is impossible to determine how a child will react to this major life adjustment, but many factors can influence the way in it alters development, including the circumstances of the divorce, their age and personality (KidsHealth, 2015).
The first and most difficult part of a divorce is initially breaking the news to a child (KidsHealth, 2015). This part is the most crucial in influencing the changes in a child’s life. It is important that parents keep the details about the separation as simple as possible as children do not need to know all the specifics regarding what is happening, just the basics about the situation (Raising Children Network, 2016). However, they also need to be reassured that everything will be alright again to show that they have support and comfort from their parents (Raising Children Network, 2016). It is important that the language used is easy for them to comprehend, such as “we will still both be here for you, we both love you” (Raising Children Network, 2016).
Once the initial news breaking has occurred, it is necessary to allow children to talk and have an opportunity to discuss their feelings (Raising Children Network, 2016). To ensure they feel safe and comfortable to converse what they are feeling, it is key to assure them that their feelings are not their fault and everything they are experiencing, is normal (Relationships Australia, Unknown). Children in these cases will often ask questions, and if they do, it is important that parents are honest with them without going into too much detail about the situation (healthdirect, 2018). By doing this, it helps put their feelings into words. As a parent, communication is very important when discussing their feelings and it is useful to let a child know that they understand and will help them work through how they are feeling (Raising Children Network, 2016). This also may include the suggestion to talk to someone else about the situation; someone they trust and who can effectively offer support (KidsHealth, 2015).
One of the greatest elements of a separation which impacts children is the change in routine. The importance of consistency after a separation is essential; this means keeping routines as familiar as possible (Raising Children Network, 2016). If a child’s routine changes too much from the ones they knew before, they may find it difficult to manage the stress of the change and dealing with the separation. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to try and maintain major events in their life, such as their school and surroundings/living situations (Raising Children Network, 2016). However, sometimes this may be difficult to achieve depending on individual circumstances.
Although parents may be separated and the bond between the two may be broken, it is vital that the bond between each parent and child is not severed. The bond between each primary caregiver should be kept strong. This can be achieved by spending time and associating with them, no less than before the separation (Raising Children Network, 2016).
When a child is experiencing parental divorce, it can help to notify anyone who needs to know about the situation to ensure they are aware of the changes, such as schools in case of severe behavioural changes which cause them to act a lot different to their usual self (KidsHealth, 2015). Additionally, these support figures may also be about to help them through the tough time (KidsHealth, 2015).
As a parent, it may be hard to deal with children responses to the separation if they cannot deal with their own emotions (KidsHealth, 2015). To be able to sufficiently support a child and not reflect personal emotions on them too much, it is normal to get help, for example, talking to a professional (KidsHealth, 2015).
A child’s development and ability to cope with divorce varies depending on individual situations. Areas of development may be stunted due to the overwhelming events occurring with the separation, such as behaviour change and emotional growth. Younger children have the capability to adjust to divorce easier than older children. However, between ages 4-8 are where the most behavioural changes can be seen as they tend to think about the divorce in more than a child of a younger age would. Each child can have different ways to behaviourally respond to a divorce, such as slightly acting out or in more severe cases, become destructive. Emotional development can be greatly affected by a divorce, as children struggle to adjust to such large changes. Emotional growth may be restricted, and they may even feel abandoned, disrupting relationships later on in life. It is extremely important that a child feels like they are supported by both their parents during a divorce. The way in which parents go about exposing their children to the situation can be very influential in the reaction and development of a child. Communication is the key part when discussing the divorce. Children need to be informed about what is happening without knowing too much about the details. They may be very confused about the new changes and it is important that parents give their guidance and support constantly.
The way in which parents handle the situation relating to the divorce can be the most essential part when effecting developmental growth. It is also very important for parents to be aware of the developmental changes discussed, to ensure each situation faced with their child is handled appropriately and supporting them throughout the whole adjustment period.
