My Personal Beliefs on Religion: Exploring Faith and Spirituality
Growing up in a Catholic family, religion has been a huge part of my identity because it has fueled my relationship with my family and relatives. What’s hard about being a Catholic though, is that I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a prime example of what a Catholic looks like. This is my idea of religion essay where I will share personal viewpoint of this topic.
As I’ve been growing up and trying to find my own place in the world, I’ve recognized that my relationship with religion has continued to falter as my own understanding of myself has been questioned and put to the test. I struggled throughout my whole high school experience to come to terms with a part of my identity that I was too ashamed to accept because I thought it would make me less of a person. When I first came out to my parents as bisexual, I couldn’t help but think I was letting a part of myself down. I’ve experienced this guilt for coming to terms with my bisexuality, and personally trying to grapple with understanding this “shameful” part of my identity according to the institutional beliefs of Catholicism. I found myself exploring outside of my music taste by listening to artists outside of this time period. Taking a closer look at these singers, I began to wonder, in what ways has embracing my sexuality influenced the value of my religious beliefs?
To continue essay about religion what does it mean to me, when I first heard the song “To Zion” by Ms. Lauryn Hill, the perfect blend of instrumentation, the powerful use of poetic elements, and her ability to depict the rawness of her story using language completely changed my view on sexuality and religion. While many of Lauryn’s songs were influenced by her strong belief in God, as she drew much of her inspiration from Gospel verses, her solo album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was inspired based on her decision to keep her unborn baby. Lauryn Hill saw took this blessing in becoming a mother as a positive aspect which in turn gave her enlightenment.This song allowed me to realize that owning my sexuality does in fact not have to be a negative aspect of my identity in terms of religion, because it also provided a deeper understanding of myself. Whereas I initially believed that being bisexual was a shameful part of myself that actually hindered my growth and identity as a Catholic, this song challenges this idea by supporting the fact that through the birth of her son, Lauryn was able to experience a spiritual awakening within understanding her role as a mother. This changed me because it allowed me to recognize that my sexuality does not in fact place a hindrance on my own ability to grow spiritually, and understanding myself on a personal level can draw more signficance on certain religious values that I agree with. The blend of instrumentation used throughout “To Zion” was a perfect melody to set the tone of the whole song. It was the very first thing to quickly draw my attention, as the song opens with the soothing yet melancholy sounds of the guitar being strummed. The song quickly shifted, as the blend of textured bassline starts to kick in, immediately transforming you into alternate reality where you are locked in place with the vibe and aura of the track. As the song develops and Lauryn dives into her story, eventually we reach the chorus, where heavenly vocals coming from a background choir add an astounding moment of power and strength. The shift of power in her vocals and the increase of volume coming from the instruments shows the significance of the lyrics once the chorus is reached. When I first heard “To Zion”, it honestly gave me chills and I felt somewhat overwhelmed by how each element of the song managed to fit perfectly intertwined with each other. It managed to give me a new sense of strength and understanding which showed me that sexuality simply plays a part of who I chose to love, which in turn is called to be celebrated by accepting my individual value as a Catholic instead of being looked down upon according to institutional beliefs. In this sense, I was proud to accept the defining figure of my sexuality and what makes me different in comparison to other Catholics in my family and community.
Lauryn’s strategic usage of poetic elements in her lyrics gave me a positive perspective on what it means to follow your heart and embrace what makes you different. In Lauryn’s case, in her experience with an unplanned pregnancy and having to consider the option of abortion, she keeps in touch with her faith in making the decision to keep the baby. In relying on both her heart and her faith to guide her to make the right choice, she recognizes in the album that this was the best decision she could’ve ever made in her life through the chorus, “Now the joy of my world is in Zion”. Not to mention, Lauryn also incorporates many spiritual elements relating to the Bible; the word “Zion” is often symbolized in theology as a representation of the Promised Land of God. My interpretation of these lyrics allowed me to relate Lauryn’s decision to keep her baby with my own decision to embrace my sexuality. While her external conflict with the whole world telling her she was making the biggest mistake of her career vs my internal conflict of accepting a part of my identity I viewed as flawed and shameful are not exactly under the same circumstances, in the end, Lauryn’s ability to embody grace in such a high-stress situation was truly inspirational to me. Her powerful tone indicated that she wasn’t afraid of the consequences that were capable of destroying her career because she knew in her heart that it was the right thing to give her unborn baby a chance at life. I found her ability to stand so fearlessly in this situation truly empowering, because there have been many points in my life that I have been worried of what others thought of me, especially my family. Instead of finding shame in her pregnancy as a female artist trying to make it big in stardom, she took this opportunity to turn to religion for comfort and guidance, “But then an angel came one day/Told me to kneel down and pray/For unto me a man child would be born”. In this case she makes direct allusions to God by giving reference to the how the angel Gabriel came to Mary to tell her she was pregnant with Jesus. This inspires me because from my own past experiences, I have managed to find more shame than proudness of how my sexuality has shaped my understandings. I would like to incorporate more personal values into my faith identity now instead of allowing institutional beliefs of “what makes a good and bad Catholic” infiltrate my idea of religion.
The style of language shown throughout the song again provides this powerful message that showed me there is light at the end of the tunnel. Exploring one’s sexuality is by far one of the most challenging things a person can do, and coming to terms with accepting it can be even harder. Towards the ending of the first verse, the second to last verse states, “‘Look at your career’ they said / ‘Lauryn, baby, use your head’ / But instead I chose to use my heart”. This line is significant to me because it ultimately symbolizes that some of our greatest hardships can stand in the way of us being able to encounter the best decisions/experiences of our lives. Lauryn was able to recognize her hardship and in turn found spiritual peace in the very end of her difficult, life-changing decision. I used to think that it would be impossible to strengthen my faith while knowing that a part of myself wasn’t truly accepted in my faith community. After seeing how Lauryn turn something negative into something positive by simply showing faith in herself and in her religion, this really opened my eyes to the possiblity that maybe accepting a part of myself that I have viewed to be detrimental to my relationship with God doesn’t have to be. I can use this acceptance as a way to allow me to strengthen my relationship with religion in ways that I never before knew could be possible. Her message becomes crystal-clear as in the end of the track, the phrase “Marching, marching, marching, marching to Zion/Marching, beautiful, beautiful Zion” is repeated 24 times, commanding the listener’s attention, showing me a literal image of marching that can take place on a spiritual journey. This encourages the idea that God is great and could hold significance in anyone’s life no matter what we identify as, and by choosing to accept our journey we are given the opportunity to find enlightenment within ourselves.
To sum up religion what does it mean to me essay, as I’ve learned to grow and understand myself on a deeper level, I’ve come to realize that in turn, my relationship with religion was never really been given the chance the prosper due to my insecurities. Up until I heard “To Zion,” I never really thought that turning to religion to could in any way enlighten my understanding of both myself and my relatiaonship with God. In many ways I thought that being both bisexual and Catholic was going against a huge part of my faith and invalidating my ability to identify as both. This song has shifted my perspective on what it means to be a Catholic because it has shown me my sexuality does not hinder my ability to grow spiritually in my faith. The values I choose to embody do not always have to be in line with what in institutionally set in place, and therefore should not have the power to make me feel invalid. Lauryn’s founded ability to understand herself and her values through Christ really showed me that understanding myself on a personal level can place more signficance on certain religious values that I find myself drawn to. I have now learned to recognize my sexuality as something that can in fact bring me a lot closer to God as my own support system. I no longer have this idea that I must give up one part of myself in order to identify with another, because religion can in fact leave a positive influence on my life.
