My Motivation To Realize Myself In Painting
When I was in 4th grade I was put into a hostel far away from home. I would spend my days crying, counting the number of days left for me to fly back to my house. I was nine years old at that time, for the first time given a brush in my hand and asked to draw anything that I wished to on a piece of white cloth. It was the first time I had stopped thinking of what I was missing at home and instead focused on what to draw. I expected my hand to have drawn a few happy faces under a roof, a plane floating in the sky or perhaps a sad me dreaming of happiness. I looked down on to the cloth spread across the floor to see a huge fish making its way through the water. I spent all my other classes working on this piece having no idea what I was doing or where I was going with it. A week later this cloth coated with layers of wax was being dipped into a huge bucket of water over and over again, and when it was hung to dry, I finally saw the product of all my week’s time. I saw beautiful patterns and lines and colours. This time, I saw more than just a fish swimming through water.
Four years later I found a folded batik piece of a fish and a sketchbook hid in the back of my cupboard and wondered why I didn’t paint anymore. I started again from the beginning. From plants to buildings I wanted to paint everything, but somehow I couldn’t. I pushed myself till I could think on my own, till ideas began to come floating into my mind. Soon it did. However, this time, insecurity struck me. Do i show others what I do? Will they like it? They would have seen better! They will criticise me or worse judge me. It took me time to realise that it did not matter. It did not matter what others would think because I loved what I did. Even if it was for just a moment, even if I would get better the next time I did something, I loved what I did at the moment. This time, I promised I would never stop.
I have seen many people of my age who have great artistic talents and I show much admiration for them, but painting for me is more than just knowing how to hold a brush or which colours to mix to get prussian blue. There is something more to it that is not easy to understand or to put into words. I know there is something in me waiting to be tapped. Studying art in college, I believe would do so. I have never been trained or ‘taught’ much about art. I have completed my tests on it through self-learning. I continuously experiment with brush and acrylic and have had some opportunities to try other mediums such as watercolours, soft pastels and pencils. I have been wanting and am very much eager to learn various other techniques. For my final project in school I have included works of collage, pot painting and sculpture. I often contribute to activities in school by participating in competitions in school and other occasions. I designed the cover page of the invites for Kalotsav 2018, our annual day in school when parents and guests are invited to watch a series of programmes. I have designed and painted a mural beside the stage of our school inspired by the themes portrayed in Kalotsav 2018 and have designed the invite for the schools silver jubilee celebration inviting all its previous students. I have participated in a local arts competition to win first place for the theme of ‘save nature’. I often help my mother with her boutique by adding to her exhibitions colour with painted canvases, pots and other ideas.
For my love for movies and art, I have been wanting to be a part of the set making process in films. I find this to be something that would combine everything I find happiness in. However, I am ready to keep my options open and continue exploring as I find that equally important. My only wish is to do something I love.
