Preparing Children For Encounter With Racism
Every child is unique in their own way and teaching a child race issues requires maximum caution. Some children are shy about talking openly about what is going on in their school, even when bullied. Some also confide in other people rather than their parents. This also depends on how close the child is to their parents. One mistake that parents always do is to wait for their child to report an incident then react. Children, in most cases – especially at a younger age, do not understand what racism implies, and some of them would think it’s a form of micro-aggressions that kids always face. Preparing children in terms of understanding their social environment is incredibly important and every parent should embrace this. Caution comes with the approach a parent takes while developing the discussion space with their children. For smaller kids, it will be too much to directly talk about racism and its manifestations, however, engaging in cultural differences and why we don’t look the same physically could be a starting point. Time to act does not necessarily mean when they are engaged, but before, at an early age when they are still not in touch with many other children.
One time my six-year-old came home and said that one of the kids told him, he was not Polish and was not born in Warsaw. I asked him what his response was and how it that make him feel. I was amazed by his answer. He said “I told him that I am Polish because my mother is Polish and I am also Kenyan because my father is from Kenya”. He further continued to tell the boy that he is better than him because he belongs to two countries while he – the bully – only has one country. I never talked about race directly with him considering his personality, but most of our conversations have been about culture and a sense of belonging. Because of this, he identifies himself as Polish/Kenyan. He does not see colour, at least he never reported an incident, but I make sure I prepare him in understanding that his dad and mum are physically different from each other and he takes after both of our heritages. As a Black person with a biracial child, we have to consider and observe our personal experiences and engage in surviving mechanisms promptly. We must build our confidence and a strong sense of identity that would not alienate either of the parents. Educating them on how to respond even to adults in a more polite but effective way is also important.
Heed any of these learning moments – circumstances that corresponds an incidence of prejudice or insults that are not so heavy. This will shape your child’s understanding on how to cope with injustice and to be on the offensive side in order not to be a victim all the time.
Enrich your child with words to respond to the unfairness should the situation arise, the most important part is to let them use their own words but in a polite way. Teach your child where you all came from, so that when asked, the response will be swift without humiliation. For example, I am Swedish and Ghanaian, because my father is from Ghana and my mother from Sweden. Just as in my case with my son’s experience.
One of the best gifts a parent can give to a child is how to develop self-confidence. This is the most effective defense mechanism. Show him or her how to be themselves and also their heritage. Let the child know how to classify her/himself instead of succumbing to racist remarks.
Let your child to be in the company of other children who look like them. This will improve their confidence knowing that he or she is not alone. Let the child meet children from different ethnicities and backgrounds so that the child can also learn about diversity from different people within society. Introduce the child to multicultural educational materials such as videos or books.
Take him or her to various multicultural events happening around you. Introduce the child to African films, good African documentaries, and even literary materials for older ones.
Teach him about your culture, about the contributions of Black people in the world, and most importantly, encourage them to ask questions. Constantly, inquire from him about everything that matters – teachers, children in school, classmates, and his friends and neighbours. Ask questions but pushy ones.
Last but not least, learn to stand up whenever a situation arises. Silence is consent, thereby perpetuating further incidences. If the problem is with the teachers, talk with them, and if there is no solution, go to their superior. If that still does not help, then take your child out of the school and transfer to a friendlier one. However, report the matter to the local law enforcement authorities because next time, it will happen again to someone else.
I asked the respondents what kind of methods or activities they use to engage their children concerning race. There were varied responses however, there also appeared a lot of commonality in their responses. About 20% of the respondents reported to not engage at all. The most common response was that their children have not raised any questions regarding racial issues. This implies that the parents are waiting for the right opportunity that could trigger the discussion of race. In other words, they are waiting for their children to ask them questions.
Purposeful and deliberate racial strategies produce equally considerable and significant outcomes. Couples in the survey employed some racial socialization endeavors which helped support strong racial identity. Respondents developed a strong connection to various coping mechanisms that could enhance a healthy racial socialization such as engaging in multicultural activities/events, documentaries highlighting diversity, and the parents’ respective heritage and culture. Some of the issues raised emphasized overwhelmingly having an open dialogue so that children could understand that they are different because they come from different heritages. Parents also noted that considering the age and maturity of their children, age-appropriate dialogue was applied. Not all children are the same, so the open dialogue is tailored towards their age and how proactive they are in wanting to understand more on identity issues.
Most of the parents also noted that their open dialogue was prompted mostly by racial incidents. About 10% of the parents mentioned that even though they face a lot of challenges, especially on racism and discrimination, they tend to focus on each other and their children and they do not have time to engage in race related issues. Parents with children older than eight engaged in open dialogue on what they should expect from society by inculcating positive or supportive indulgents with challenges.
