Raising Kids Who Grow Into Kind Adults
Some words were confusing to kids when growing up; kind and nice, respect and fear. Children often didn’t really worry about what each word meant or how it affected their growing years. However, as it is the dream of most parents to have kids that are nice to other kids and adults, respectful despite the circumstance, do exceptionally well and in this 21st century; have kids that are well, what I can say; socially upgraded. In all this, one factor that distinguishes your kid from the next kid is the act of kindness.
As parents, just as there aren’t any guidelines to be a successful wife and partner, there are definitely no manuals to being the perfect parent or for raising kind kids. The whole idea of parenting is to have kids you can be proud of when they are adults and leading the good life. While parenting is a huge responsibility, the availability of parenting literature is not helping parents either. Research shows that most of these studies are from various groups carried out in American on American families and well, can’t be said to work for parents living in other parts of parts of the world. In this article, we will try to see how we can adopt newer tactics into raising kind kids.
To begin, let’s get one thing clear, whatever a child become tomorrow is as a result of the influences of their yesterday. No child was born evil or good, but they become wicked or righteous from our parenting methods and outside forces that they came in contact with every. Good parenting skills with child-parent interaction will breed great child while parenting techniques where children are viewed as property rather than kids, will eventually breed children that consider others are things than people. So many people will disagree that just because a child grows up in a negative environment doesn’t mean they will be bad, but children are like magnets, they attract, investigate, assimilate, and try out what is said and heard. And if you are a parent, you should know about it.
Parenting- yesterday and today
Growing up in Africa, the act of kindness was something every kid had to portray; we don’t want our parents to be branded as unfit or our mother “washed” as an inferior mom. You might say this is harsh and archaic, but strict discipline and set rules meant that the kids were raised to be kind regardless. Furthermore, the religious upbringing and installation either as a Muslim or Christian meant kids were bred to be kind or incite the anger of God and end up in hell. Looking back, it’s funny, but back then, it helped us stay orderly and obedient. Kids of today are different though; don’t know if these days our parents are not in tune with the innovative ways of raising kind kids or if they have succumbed to technology to do their jobs. Either way kids of today are more vocal, assertive, opinionated, and let’s face it downright rude.
I can still remember the spanking I got when I disobey my parents or their instructions, oh my goodness, how my entire being came alive. Respect wasn’t a choice we had, it was an obligation. However, these days with child service and children’s rights at every nook and cranny, parents are even scared to scold and correct their kids. The result - a bunch of unruly kids that is unkind and hateful. What can I say, when society cares more about physical attribute than emotion well-being; we have kids that threaten their parents, blackmail them or even tell a lie, after all with child service, it’s their word against their parents. Who knew such will happen, half a century ago? Wondering what raising kids will be in another half-century to come? So what changed with our parenting ways?
As with many other things, over the century, parenting tactics have evolved too with parents becoming busier and more engaged in their careers and social life all in a bid to provide the “best” for their kids. Not necessarily a bad idea, but who then takes care of the kids and ensures that they are raised to be kind and compassionate. Parents are breaking barriers to give their kids a future they didn’t have or rather, take them away from a past they had, and in the process, technology is raising the kids and impacting them far more than we can contend with. In raising kind kids, we have to take a break and re-access the situation at hand so that we don’t fail victims to the elements of the 21st century.
Does religious help to raise kind kids? Disregarding, the extreme act of some religions; religion has long been known to bring communities today and raising morally sound kids. And if we look into history, you will see how religion and the belief in the teachings that religion has impacted the way kids were raised. But over the years as religion got infiltrated by technology and freedom of expression, science, and society; parents that raised their kids based on religion did so because it was an effortless method to get them to obey instructions or do their chores. This doesn’t mean that non-religious kids aren’t raised kind as the act of being kind is incorporated into our day in all aspects such as happiness, truth, care, compassion, and helping others without reserve.
Religion and family
Religion has the silent effect of changing the way we do things, whether good or bad, it has the potential and influences to change our parenting techniques and provides methods of raising kind kids. Kids that were bred under religious setting were found to be more aware of themselves (kind of precautious) and less likely to commit an offense as it is viewed as negative or as a sin or and disobedience to their belief and God. Furthermore, studies show that parents that attended religious gathering without their kids were able to raise kind kids because they had a better relationship with their children and were able to install in them the morals, habits, and attitudes that will mold them into distinguished adults. However, two kinds of reaction experienced by parents that go to a religious gathering with their kids; smaller kids found the activities engaging and love the atmosphere while learning more about God and how it influenced their adult years and secondly, the younger adults with the decision to accept the teachings or not. Regardless of what is being said, religion does influence raising a kind kid. How does religion help?
- It sets a boundary for the parents and allows them to construct their parenting skills around the beliefs even if they don’t agree with it.
- The kids have a limitation of how far to go with a decision and are more in control of their emotions and reactions.
- It becomes a way of life where the kids learn the good things and rewards that come with obedience, and it becomes a way of life.
- It builds a pure connection between the children and their parents.
With that said, how about kids who are kind and were raised in a non-religious setting? For most people, religion is the key to raising kind kids, but studies show that religion has got absolutely nothing in the parenting department or in raising kind kids as children raised in non-religion setting do exceptionally well in all their endeavors and as being kind too. Morality and religion have had a strong tie since time immemorial, but it is more complex and is more than meets the eyes. According to a psychology Professor Will Gervais of the University of Kentucky who studies atheism in the USA, says it is a misconception for people to link morality to religion or raising kind kids. The studies went further to say that there is absolutely no difference between kids raised as religious and secular kids. And along with other researchers, it is believed that kids have a natural instinct to want to help or share with others, but that does not translate to how they will be an adult due to the various pressures and influences in life.
Personally, growing up in a strict, disciplined setting made of the punishment that comes with disobedience of my parents as being directly linked to God was the foundation my way of life was built upon and viewed life and every decision taken. Fast forward, with my own kids and like most parents, we are still confused as to whether the old parenting techniques are the best for this century or if we need to come out without own parenting style. If you intend to parent according to the books out there, you will only get confused and end up confusing your kids too.
The ultimate guide to raising kind kids
Don’t really know if anyone rule works for all, but the points stated below are some ways we can install the spirit of kinds into our kids and hopefully, they listen to the plenty lessons and do as such with it in their adult years. As parents, we are always on the lookout for the best approach to building a total child and an adult. Raising kind kids vary in different cultures and the community the child grows up in but despite the differences; we as parents want to raise kind kids for the benefits of tomorrow.
Understanding Kindness
Depending on your belief and perception, the act of being kind is being good selflessly without any strings attached. For Christians, kindness is an attribute that the father has towards his children, a trait that transcends beyond the physical but into the spiritual. It is this act that makes it possible for us to continue to receive favor, blessings, and answers to our prayers regardless of our sins.
To a Muslim and in Islam, kindness is a simple yet powerful act that is an expression of the faith of a Muslim despite the attitudes of radical, kindness is the alms of goodness and tenderness to be shown to everyone regardless of their religious understanding and belief. And in many other religions and sect around the world, kindness is a vital and an essential part in raising good and moral kids.
According to the English dictionary, Kindness is being friendly and compassionate to your fellow being. And if kindness is a virtue, that means, it comes from the heart and is a pure feeling of emotion. There are various degrees of kindness and although people believe that kindness is inborn and can be transformed, improved, or limited by the society we grew up in. Regardless of what is being said, kindness has the power to change societies and take love and compassion beyond our borders. However, raising kind kids has to do with us as parents first before our children.
Steps to raising kind kids
Kindness is sincerity: In raising kind kids, we have to teach our children how to be sincere in all their dealings no matter what. Where there is kindness, there is sincerity and truthfulness. Since kindness is borne out of the decency of our hearts, it will be better to tell our kids that been honesty is part of being kind too. Kindness is not jealous, hurtful, and hypocritical but loving and humble. To install this aspect into our kind is to tell them insistently the importance of being honest and how their happiness makes others happy and vice versa.
Kindness is sharing: Although kids have the instinct of giving and sharing how you can ensure that this trait is still with them as they step into their adult life. One way to do it is by letting your kids know that kindness is sharing and giving out to others what is not beneficial to you anymore. Teaching our kids to take part in their toys, clothes, or even food to the less privilege is part of raising kind kids. Kindness is being helpful which translates as sharing with others.
Kindness is Sight and Sound: By this, I mean, be your children kindness role model. Since we all know that child learn by sight and sound, it will be nice to emulate the act of kindness through these two senses. Furthermore, teach your kids the meaning of kindness, by the way, to act towards them and the blessings associated with being kind. For example, avoid abusive languages, arguments, and solve problems swiftly. Be kind with your words when speaking and interacting with other people, especially when your kids are around.
Kindness is forgiveness: Since the virtue comes from the heart and internally placed, unforgiveness and grudge due to hurt can douse our act of kindness towards the next person. Teaching your kids forgiveness through a sad event will bring out the kindness in them. When they are able to look beyond the why of a problem to the how kindness is expressed.
Kindness is respect: We don’t object to our child expressing their feelings and thoughts, but when your child speaks to you or others without respect and not caring how their words hurt others, it means they lack kindness and the ability to show it. To raise kind kids, teach our children to be respectful, use their words carefully, appreciate others, and only then can they exude kindness. Furthermore, curtail your kids from using insulting words towards their siblings or calling them names they don’t like.
Kindness is taking responsibility: The 21st-century kids don’t do anything; they drop their toys, and we pick up after them, they litter the bathroom and bedroom; we clean it for them, they create a scene out the home, we defend them without thinking. You might be thinking has to do with kindness. Everything, when kids take responsibility for their actions, they understand how others feel or felt in a situation similar to theirs. From the day your child takes the first step, teach them to take responsibility for all their actions and let the chores increase as they grow. With responsibility, comes compassion and kindness.
Kindness is accepting your mistakes: As parents, we often don’t want to own our mistakes especially before kids; we have this "mummy is always right" line. Hmm, not really good things as our kids use this when interacting with others outside. However, when we apologize for our mistakes, our kids do the same and grow up living by the rules. Kindness is uniqueMost parents make the mistake of making and persuading our kids to join the majority instead of allowing them to be themselves and developing the uniqueness in them. In raising kind kids, we have to allow our children to be what they want to be or help them find and accept their unique characteristic. This enables them to understand the differences in others, thereby showing compassion and love.
Kindness is teachable: Kindness might be inborn as some people believe, but it can be teachable to raising kind kids. As children, we will remember what is repeatedly said and done before them. Teach your kids kindness and how they should express and make use of it. Children can be tough and rebellious, especially if the actions disrupt their schedules, but with patience, diligence, and consistency; any child can learn to be kind.
Be kind to your kids: For you to raise kind kids mean you have to be kind too. Treat, and behave kindly, and your kids will do the same. Remember that kindness is not a day’s job, but a continuous process until our kids are able to distinguish the different aspect of kindness and develop or improve their kindness gesture as they become adults. We are our kid's teachers, teach well, and our kids will not depart from it. Furthermore, if your child obeys an instruction or performs an act of kinds, a reward will be in order, and why they are being rewarded should be explained to them.
Kindness is the foundation to success: Have you ever wondered why certain people just seem to have a seamless experience in business even when they are not doing well, they get the help and assistance they did? It is nothing short of being kind to others. Kindness is an attitude, a way of life, a habit, and the secret weapon to being and staying successful in the modern technology world of ours.
The above are some guides for raising kind kids. However, since we can’t always be around 24/7, kindness is the only character that will help our children develop other attributes such as compassion, resilience, love, appreciation, happiness, forgiveness, faith, hope, confidence and the strength to face and overcome the challenges that life throws at them. It is hard as parents to see our kids fail, but in raising kind kids, we have to be willing to nip some habits and avoid shortcuts else we will risk long-term problems in the future. Furthermore, we should also teach our kids how to stay in control in all circumstances and if you are a religious parent, let them know that kindness is from God and a gift that is not refundable.
