The Danger of a Single Story' and Harm of Gender Roles
When does a boy learn to be a man and a girl learn to be a woman? It is impossible to pinpoint the exact moment in time where someone learns what it means to be a boy or a girl. Gender socialization is the process of conforming males and females to the norms, behaviors, values, and beliefs set by society. Preparations for gender socialization begin even before the birth of the child. For example, buying a dress for an unborn girl or a toy car for an unborn boy. From birth forward, we all are susceptible to society’s opinion on what a male or female should consist of. The process by which I was socialized into the appropriate code of conduct for a being a girl started at an early age and was heavily influenced by my mother, the media and school. In this paper I will also add an The Danger of a Single Story summary analysis of Chimamanda Adichie's TED talk.
The standards and mannerisms by which I had to act as a girl were introduced to me by my mother. I still remember when my mother dressed me in pink or bright clothing and used glitter bows to keep my hair down in elementary school. As a result of being exposed to certain colors, I was already establishing norms for my specific gender. I began to identify pink as a girly color and dark colors with boys. Another significant memory that I can recall to this day, was when I was around ten years old and having dinner with my family. We had just begun eating and I was feverishly hungry up until then. Therefore, I was eating quite fast and managed to get some food on my face. However, before I even got the chance to wipe it off, my mother kicked me under the table, and whispered “Stop eating like a pig! Wipe your mouth!” She always taught me to always eat like a lady otherwise, I would not be considered respectful or attractive. That is why this line, “Always eat your food in such a way that it wont turn someone else’s stomach” from Jamaica Kincaid, “Girl”, connects with me. Eating like a lady was just one of the many installments that my mother placed upon me based on how she was raised.
We have the way the parents model behavior, or how they act out their gender in front of their children. Growing up and watching my parents, I picked up on the behaviors exhibited by them. I grew up watching my mother stay at home, prepare meals and do household chores. She was tasked with bringing my sisters and I to school and making sure we finished our homework. My father works, comes home in the evening and is served dinner by my mother. I became accustomed to this practice and began to associate men as the breadwinner and women with staying home and taking care of children. It is normal for my mother to cry at times, however, my dad never did and always put on a front of being calm and collected. Because of this, I thought that men did not cry and women were more emotional.
Whether someone has played with Barbie dolls or action figures, watched Sleeping Beauty or Dragon Ball Z, nearly everyone has been exposed to gender stereotypes at a young age. Watching television is one of my favorite things to do. The characters I often see on TV exude an obvious masculine or feminine appearance. For example, a superhero's big muscles are often associated with being courageous and a princess is portrayed as weak. Therefore, I began to start seeing women as vulnerable and more submissive. I also loved to read popular magazines such as Cosmopolitan and was constantly surrounded by images of women who were typically white, desperately thin, and always wearing makeup. This led me to believe that I need to exemplify that form of beauty to be considered attractive and desirable in society.
The media also defines what a good and bad woman ought to be like. A “good” woman is submissive, sensitive, and domesticated. Women who act contrary to this description are seen as bad and rebellious. They are often viewed as masculine and unappealing to men. This is evident in a classic children's film, Snow White, that I watched as a kid. In which Snow White has the good characteristics of women which is being beautiful and well-loved. On the other hand, the queen has the bad characteristics of women and was considered unattractive and lacking any feminine appeal. This contrasting presentation encourages me as a young woman to either act a certain way, or be viewed as miserable and rude. This image is embedded in my mind and will always be a second thought before I act. I was heavily influenced by the media and absorbed ideas on how to behave and what to become based on my gender. I think Chimamanda Adichie captures this in her Ted Talk The Danger of a Single Story, stating that, “So that is how to create a single story, show a people as one thing, as only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become.”
Another factor that played a large part in how to act appropriately as my gender was school. There, we become exposed to peers of both sexes and we are on how society expects us to act based on our sex. In the classes I attended, whenever the teacher needed someone to carry something heavy, she would only pick boys. Therefore, I began to believe that girls are weaker than their male counterparts just by observing the instructions given by my teacher. The expectation was often placed on me as a girl to act mature in the classroom while “boys are just going to be boys” and their misbehavior is not unusual and expected. In “From He to She in First Grade”, written by Laurie Frankel, she emphasizes the certain standards expected by gender in school with this excerpt, “Our child could go to school dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and feel wrong and awkward and not himself. Or he could wear what felt right and possibly face the wrath of his fellow elementary-school students.” Laurie tells her story of her son who liked to dress up in skirts and green sparkly dresses growing up. It was expected of him to go to school and to wear shorts and shirts but he chose not to conform to the norms set by society. These stereotypes are harmful because they motivate people to oppress those who do not fit traditional gender roles.
The way we present ourselves, the decisions we make, and the way we all interact with others can be linked back in some way to the gender roles present in our lives. Gender roles can be detrimental to the growth and development of a child. From birth, through the course of gender socialization, children learn gender stereotypes and roles from the environment. The way I was socialized to act accordingly by my gender was greatly impacted by my mother, the perception placed by the media, and attending school. Overall, these are just some examples that influence the way I act and identify with my gender.
