The Power of Regret in Joyce Carol Oates' Story
Sarah Ban Breathnach once said, “Regret is the only wound the soul does not recover from”. In this quotation, Breathnach brings about an important interpretation of how life should be lived in the moment, spent wisely and never taken for granted. Breathnach achieves this by implying that once a person has regrets they could never truly recover from the lament. As bad as someone may want to, no one can travel back in time to change an event that happened in the past. One work that shows this to be true is “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” by Joyce Carol Oates. The protagonist Connie demonstrates how someone only realizes how valuable something is when they're on the verge of losing it forever. If you take life for granted you will be forced to live with a heavyweight of regret and sorrow on your chest.
One of the most complicated emotions is regret. “Regret is a feeling generated by looking back on our mistakes, omissions, lost opportunities, and bad behavior”. For instance, in Joyce Oates short story “Where are you going, where have you been”, Connie felt remorse for those exact reasons. Connie is very self-absorbed and ignored her family as much as she could. This reason, as well as Connie's parents being uninvolved in her life, is why their relationship lacked intimacy and tenderness. When Connie realized she might not ever see her family again, she immediately felt remorse for the absence of a meaningful relationship with her family. Joyce Oates wrote “Their father was away at work most of the time and when he came home he wanted supper, and he read the newspaper at supper, and after supper, he went to bed. He didn't bother talking much to them...Connie's mother kept picking at her until Connie wished her mother was dead... She began to scream into the phone, into the roaring. She cried out, she cried for her mother...She thought, I'm not going to see my mother again. She thought, I'm not going to sleep in my bed again. Her bright green blouse was all wet”. This reveals how Connie lacked a connection with her family but when faced with a life or death situation she was most fearful of losing them. When Connie was on the verge of losing her family she realized how much she loved them. She felt guilt and regret for taking them for granted and not showing appreciation or love towards them. This is the reason why she complied with Arnold, to prevent him from harming her family.
Connie spent most of her time portraying someone who pleased her peers more than herself. “Connie is vulnerable to Arnold Friend’s manipulations because she has no clear identity of her own. Connie attempts to establish her identity by testing the boundaries her parents set for her, assuming a different persona at home than she does with her friends, and seeking validation of her attractiveness from the boys at the drive-in restaurant. Connie’s behavior is typical among teenagers searching for identity. Oates devised the situation to illustrate how an unstable identity can make an adolescent, especially a girl, susceptible to exploitation by someone who knows how to feed a vain, unsteady ego for his own interests and desires. By the time Arnold asks her, What else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in? she feels she can do nothing but comply. Trusting in her incomplete identity to the end, she is led to ruin”. This quotation shows how Connie lacked appreciation, strength, a clear identity and stable relationships, which helped create her vulnerability. As a result of this, Connie was a perfect victim. She felt like she had no other alternatives but to comply. In the world today, blame is commonly placed on women. Phrases like “It's your fault, you shouldn't have worn that” or “You're a tease” are typically commented towards women. If one places themself in Connie's shoes, how could they not begin to believe this? Who wouldn't feel regret for not allowing others to see who you are, and being too naive to acknowledge how vulnerable you are? Connie regretted this and felt guilty because she believed there was no other way to live or to escape. She lost herself in the search for attention but found nothing other than regret and remorse.
Many wish for the invention of time travel purely because they desire to alter the past. If people realize how valuable and memorable time, words, actions, people and experiences truly are, they would live a life without regrets. Though this concept many not be entirely realistic it is truthful. Many turn a blind eye to their faults and shortcomings only for it to later eat them up inside. Joyce Oates’ story “Where Where Are You Going, Have You Been” illustrated this concept by displaying how Connie was too naive to acknowledge her faults. In the end, these were Connie's deepest regrets. If one lives a life with regrets, did they truly live their best life?
