Family Values and Conflict: Exploring the Connect of Concepts

Introduction

To start with in family definition essay this topic will be revealed by the author taking into account the influence of cultural values. The family, which is undoubtedly a key unit of the society, is a source of love and care for any individual but can also be the birthplace of large conflict because of differences in opinion and lifestyle. What is a family? A family is a network of people who live together over periods of time, who have ties of marriage and kinship to one another.  Norms can be defined as unspoken and unwritten behavioral rules that apply to everyday life while values are the beliefs that lie behind social norms. 

Conflict within the family can be defined as sprightly opposition between members of a family and can be in the form of verbal, physical, financial, sexual or psychological abuse. It can involve different combinations of family members like parent-child, parent-parent or child-child. Hence, conflict within the family arises when norms and values held by parents, guardians or primary care givers are enforced on their children or among themselves. The other party might be in the formative stage of their life thus are also learning from secondary agents of socialization or are adults e.g a spouse, and have different norms and values.

In this essay, I shall anatomize how and to what extent norms and values cause conflict and whether or not this conflict can continue without severe long term consequences within a family or is it a dire issue that needs to be addressed.

Methodology

For this essay, I have used secondary sources of data namely books, book sections, journals and reports about families, norms, values and socialization within the family. I have used articles from peer-reviewed journals that are trustworthy since they are authenticated by other researchers. Also, the books and reports used have been authored by sociological authorities.

To understand the impact of norms and values we must look at socialization of individuals. There are two types of socialization, primary and secondary, bur for the purpose of this essay, emphasis shall be placed on primary socialization since children learn norms, values and roles of their culture.

Data Evidence

A study conducted in Kikuyu Sub-County, Kiambu County, Kenya by the University of Nairobi found that norms and values propagated by culture had a big role in sparking intra-family conflicts. The study highlighted some examples of norms and values such as suppression of male emotions and submission of females in marriages as key causes of conflict. The aforementioned examples are instilled in children, especially in Sub-Saharan Africa, from an early age.

In another study, almost 60% of children or family members that identified as LGBTQIA+ in America were either physically or mentally abused by their families.  In the same line 40% of the 1.6 million youth in the United States identified as LGBTQ+ but LGBTQ+ youth only account for 7% of the youth population. Additionally, 1in4 children are forced to leave their homes after coming out while 50% get a negative reaction and 68% experience rejection.

Moreover, according to adolescents interviewed on causes of conflict with their parents, 8% reported manner of dressing, 10% friends and 7.3% loud music and television programs, as causes of recent conflict at home. The highest frequency of conflict, ranked from often to never, was often at 38.7%. In some cultures, parents struggle to accept change in authority from hierarchical to peer, that is children are becoming more independent, since culture dictates that parents should always be in charge or in some extreme cases must parent with an ‘íron-fist’. Though, cross-cultural marriages are becoming increasingly common they are still more susceptible to conflict due to the clashing cultures and in essence norms and values. Cultural consonance is still a key factor in happy relationships compared to dissonant culture within relationships.

Data Analysis

Cultural norms and values vary from culture to culture. In most if not all Sub-Saharan African cultures, boys and men are expected to be emotion-less and brute especially in their marriages. This as, Sheri Meyers, a leading marriage psychologist and expert, would suggest, leads to pent up stress leading to conflicts ranging from small arguments to domestic violence. Women too are expected to be submissive to their spouses. In the case of complete submission where women did not question their husband’s decisions and in the case of very independent women who did not submit, conflict and domestic violence was more likely to occur. 

In cross-cultural marriages, there are already apparent cultural difference even before underlying differences sprout. The values and norms can be like two opposing forces that conflict inevitable. Cultural consonance-where the cultures of the two spouses are in tandem, is still preferred in relationships and marriages though cross-cultural marriages are becoming increasingly popular. This then brings to light accommodation of spouses in a marriage. Accommodation or the accommodation period is the period when spouses live together without considerable conflict. The accommodation period is longer for consonant cultures as opposed to dissonant ones.

Another recent development world over is the LGBTQIA+ movement. This reflects in families as well where there are increasingly more families with at least one member identifying as LGBTQIA+. So, conflict is very likely since there is still a very big percentage of people who view the movement as undesirable and some unlawful. The culture in these families channels the children to become heterosexual or cis-gendered thus anybody outside the prescribed sexuality is at odds with their family and society. Conflict arising from the LGBTQIA+ movement is also very extreme ending up in rejection and even homelessness showing how sometimes culture takes preference over familial love.

Rigidity of parents within culture has a big part to play in conflict. Many parents believe that culture should rule social interactions and how family members conduct themselves. The implications of such a viewpoint is that parents cannot compromise even in situations where there is no logical explanation for their actions. As highlighted above dressing and choice of music, combined, account for almost 20% of all adolescent-parent conflicts in Nairobi. Furthermore, parents are unable to allow necessary freedoms to their young adults (18-25 year-olds). Thus, serious conflicts arise especially where the young adults are still dependents since parents are of the opinion that they should be in control of everything, as influenced by their culture. 

Data Evaluation

From the data above, norms and values undeniably cause conflict. A pattern is also emerging showing that the greater society, which is where culture is drawn from, has a large role to play. Data from a Kenya, a Sub-Saharan African country shows that the causes of conflict between spouses and also their children differs greatly from data I sampled from the United Kingdom and the United States. In the case of Kenya, dressing, music, conjugal roles and social interaction were top causes while in the United States sexuality, income levels and cross-cultural relationships were main causes.

Hence, it can be deduced that the rate and pace of social change is also a contributing factor since it affects culture which in turn affects norms and values. Many social scientists agree that human societies all undergo certain stages of development. According to this school of thought, the American society is classified as a mature industrial society while a number of African societies are significantly younger, explaining the difference in conflict.

Culture being sets of shared worldviews and adaptive behaviours from membership in a variety of contexts, is very subjective. The subjectivity of culture, and in extension norms and values, explains why conflict is unavoidable. Every body can define culture to fit the context of their background thus an individual feels justified in their actions, leading to conflict, as culture is there to ‘back them up’.

Adults within families also fail to accept changing times and changes in culture. Culture is dynamic thus when adults, especially parents, refuse to be alive to this fact conflict is probable. A huge majority refuse to compromise when it comes to trivial matters such as dressing which are not immoral but are not advocated for by culture. Thus, it can be concluded that norms and values are indeed a cause of conflict.

Conclusion

It is apparent that norms and values play a major role in causing conflict within the family. As highlighted, the degree and severity of the conflict varies and is not only between parents and children, but is also evident between parents or spouses and between siblings. The severity is also affected by the state of the society in question for example in Africa there is a higher likelihood of conflict as opposed to Europe since there are more things considered anathemas in the African context. Conflict will still persist within the family without a doubt, but as societies become more accepting and edge closer to becoming egalitarian- belief in the equality of all- there will be fewer instances of conflict. Thus, in my opinion, norms and values will unequivocally continue to cause conflict in the family.