We Don’T Have To Be Perfect For Others

‘PERFECTION’ - this is the word that has popped up in my mind when I first came across metamorphosis, the idea of ‘transformation’. During these two months of lectures and tutorials, we have been constantly asked to brainstorm ideas of how ‘transformation’ has taken place, no matter in the mind, in scientific platforms, in society… which provokes me into thinking the reason behind transformation of actions, thoughts and beliefs of one human being. I’ve come up with this short conclusion: people transform in order to become perfect. Yet, is it a must for us to pursue perfection? Looking back at all the texts and clips that we have read and watched, the idea of transforming one into a perfect person throughout the plots makes me question more.

The movie Black Swan shows how damaging perfectionism can be when we try to pursue it excessively. From the beginning of the story, Nina was a kind-hearted, pure, innocent young adult who strives for the best in being a great ballerina. However, the urge of wanting to be the leading dancer of the whole show, taking up both the perfect white swan and the seductive, wild black swan, makes Nina tortures herself day in, day night- waking up at night to practice, starves and mutilates her already-frail body. . . Her mind and thoughts has undergone transformation into having the sense that ‘’I’ll never be good enough’’. Her belief of perfectionism leads to a darkness and recklessness within, threatening and destroying relationships with her family, having ritualistic behaviours, eating disorders, self-harm… and at the end, her own life.

Moving on to the next story - The Birthmark. Georgiana’s small red birthmark on her left cheek triggers her husband, Aylmer, to ultimately kill her despite the love between them. Being a physically and spiritually beautiful, passionate lady who is an ideal wife for most people, she praises Aylmer so much that she considers him to be her master- listen to Aylmer’s demands and is willing to do anything to make him happy. Despite all the things that Georgiana is willing to sacrifice, Aylmer is still horrified by the mark on Georgiana’s face. Since his opinions on her appearance are the only thing that she cares about, she starts losing confidence, and becomes disgusted with herself. Such endings of the two stories make me realise that being wise is to understand that ‘perfection’ may not be a goal worth pursuing. When we look into a bigger picture, the change of Nina and Georgiana’s mind set do not only reflect how harmful perfectionism can be, but is also a reflection of social phenomenon in the 21st century - the world that we are living in right now. The question is: Is it even possible to reach perfection, or is it something that is out of reach for a human being? Do we transform ourselves for ingratiation? And do we, as an individual, live to fulfil others’ expectations, or to live a life for ourselves?

It is true that striving for perfection is many people’s goal in life as this may help them succeed in the things that the propose for. People may aspire to be perfect in many different ways, it could be a daughter, a student, a wife, an athlete, or even an artist with the desire of wanting to reach perfection one day. But do we really know the meaning of ‘perfection’? According to the dictionary, one of its meanings is ‘’a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence’’. Yet excellence and perfection are two totally different ideas- which is why many say that it is impossible to be perfect but is always possible to reach excellency. Since according to Wais, ‘perfection’ is supposed to exist as an abstraction of our minds, but is not attainable in the physical world. ’ While some wish to pursue perfection so as to reach their goals in life, many in society back then, and more obviously in today’s society, wish to live up to other people’s standard of being so-called ‘perfect’.

Looking back at the two stories that I have previously mentioned, Nina’s thought of ‘’what I feel or think doesn't matter; what’s important is what will please my mother. ’’ Can clearly show how Nina transforms to as to be a perfect daughter in her mother’s eyes back in the days- same as that of Georgiana, wanting to be so perfectly ideal so that her husband would love her. The reason of them undergoing transformation is clear- for ingratiation. In today’s society, where social media is becoming a must-need in people’s lives, people try to portrait themselves so as to become perfect in other’s eyes. We easily compare ourselves with others and lose faith in ourselves when receiving false comments on our body shape, appearance, ability and so on. Social media slowly put pressure on young adults into thinking that they have to keep up their perfect self-presentation on social media. There seems to be a checklist that needs to be all checked in order to be ‘socially acceptable’: having perfect grades, perfect relationships, perfect luxury goods, perfect looks, perfect skin… and the list goes on and on. Every day of our lives seems to be under competition with one another. Some inspire teens to set higher standards for themselves, motivate them into working harder and allow them to produce great satisfaction when they achieve their goals. Whereas to many others, the journey to perfection and flawlessness is plagues by maladaptive thoughts and behaviours. Before doubting ourselves and trying to ‘keep up with the Kardashians’, why don't we try to live a life for ourselves, appreciate what we are born with and is given before blindly following? Transforming ourselves to fit into the ‘’socially perfect’’ person is not necessary. As the Guardian has one mentioned in their article ‘’perfectionism is destroying the mental health of millennial generation. ’’ It may sound very cliché, yet, our flaws are what makes us US. Rather than having to compare ourselves to one another, why not try to appreciate what we are originally and naturally given. It is crucial to accept others and our own imperfections, and, as what H. Jackson Brown Jr. once quoted ‘’ strive for excellence, not perfection’’. Live a life for our own. And live a life that we will remember, not to be remembered.