Attachment In Adolescent And Emotional Regulation Development

Growing up I always had a secure attachment to my parents, especially my mom. Having a strong bond with my family allowed me to learn how to regulate my emotions and develop strong social skills. As mentioned in the textbook, children who establish a secure attachment with their mothers tend to grow up to develop strong social skills that help them form strong relationships with peers in the future (Hennig, 2018). This was evident in my youth as I always wanted to make people laugh, had an extremely friendly personality, and was constantly the center of attention. Thinking back I could not think of ideas, so I specifically asked my parents what they thought of me then and what they think of me now.

Although I’ve experienced my fair share of ups and downs, my core being has remained the same. Securely attached infants were rated to be more emotionally positive, more empathic and more socially competent than children who had been insecurely attached (Clarke-Stewart & Parke, 2014, p. 95). Although my social nature, I developed anxiety and depression at a young age due to problems that arose within my family. In the text, it suggested that children who had secure attachment relationships may become insecure if the family’s life circumstances deteriorate as a result of job loss, illness, death or divorce (Clarke-Stewart & Parke, 2014, p. 93). In my case, it was illness and job loss on my mother’s part. Being the empathic person, I am, I took it upon myself to take on my mother’s role in the house. Even though I did not fall behind in school, it did create a bit of tension within my family, which thus created a load of anxiety and depression. Because of that strain in my family environment, my secure attachment with my family become insecure and unstable.

I would not come to my parents for advice and become somewhat of an introvert. As time went on, things at home become normal again which lead my family to have a secure relationship style. I begin treatment in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which is the most effective approach for treating depression in adolescents (Hammen, 2005; Hollon & Dimidijan, 2009; Melvin et al. , 2012) (Clarke-Stewart & Parke, 2014, p. 128).

As a result, I was able to regain a secure relationship with my family and learn strategies on how to regulate my emotion effectively. Moreover, the textbook also revealed that at older ages, securely attached children and adolescents are also better at regulating their emotions in challenging situations (Contreras et al. , 2000; Kobak & Cole, 1994). (Clarke-Stewart & Parke, 2014, p. 95). Being in a secure attachment style with my family helped me develop skills that allowed me to regulate my emotions in difficult areas of my life even when experiencing my anxiety attacks. The textbook suggests that the socialization of emotions is critical in children’s ability to learn about emotions by watching how people around them react to stimulating events. Clarke-Stewart & Parke (2014) reported that watching individuals close to the child, create three ways to socialize children’s emotions. Those three being (1) provide models of emotional expressiveness (2) react to children’s emotions in ways that encourage or discourage them, and (3) act as emotional coaches by talking about their own and other people’s emotional responses. Not only did I learn strategies of my own, I believe my parents did an excellent job in coaching us how to respond and act too emotional situations. By preparing me in my infancy, it allowed me to develop various methods of emotional regulation regardless of my difficulties in mental health.

The relationship with my family, especially my mom, heavily influences how I regulate my emotions and handle social situations in my day to day life. I think it is extremely important to find different ways of processing my anxiety instead of internalizing each little thing. Growing up with a close-knit family allowed my parents to coach us on how to freely express ourselves, while still remaining conscious on the emotional displays of others. Unfortunately, around the age of 17 my mom got extremely sick, lost her job, and as a result, it caused a lot of tension within my home. She was constantly in and out of the hospital and my father had to take on more responsibility, as did I. At that moment in time, I was handling multiple roles such as that of a mother to my little sister, high school student, girlfriend and daughter but I was able to regulate my emotions regardless of these circumstances because of the ways my parents taught us to express our feelings.

There came a point where I became extremely depressed, which drove my relationship with my family to become insecure and eventually lead me to be diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That empathic and emotionally positive child was just not there anymore. Ultimately, my parents decided to take me to cognitive behavioural therapy to treat my depression and anxiety. To this day my mother, nonetheless, struggles with her mental and physical health but our relationship got stronger because of how we communicated in those difficult times. By both of us getting the help we needed, our family dynamic went from insecure to secure. These experiences in my life allowed me to determine how I wanted to live my life and find ways to not change it, but handle my emotions in a healthy manner. I believe that I have a healthy relationship with my parents, but there was a moment in our family environment that became weak.

My infancy reflects the person I am today because even though has been difficult obstacles in my life, I tried to remain the bubbly, extrovert, humorous and socially inclined individual regardless of my personal issues. My ability to regulate my emotions and handle difficult situations in a proper manner is something that not everyone knows how to do, which I thank my parents for. From my infancy until now, I believe my attachment, as well as my emotional scripts, have remained fairly stable, which has had an effect on how I chose to deal with problems and my mannerisms in emotional/social situations.