Dads Don’T Babysit; It’S Called Parenting

Growing up, my mother was a stay at home mom. She went to college, got a degree in teaching, got married and had four kids. My father’s job required us to move quite a bit, almost every four years. After the third time moving, my mother decided to become a stay at home mom rather continue to struggle finding jobs after moving so many times. My sister, just had her second kid and is now a stay at home mom as well. My sister graduated with her doctorate, got married, had kids, paid off her student loans and then decided to become a stay at home mom. Luckily, my sisters’ husband, and my dad had well-paying jobs and it was more financial for the mother to stay home. On the other hand, my boyfriend’s family was the complete opposite. His father retired from the military almost 10 years ago. While his father was in duty, he was gone for months at a time. His parents came to the decision for his father to stay at home because his mother and father made the same amount, however his mothers’ job did not require her to travel. Not only was his mother the bread winner of the family, she is also a prison guard (another stereotype broken by his family). I knew many girls in high school, who legitimately said they are only going to college to meet their husbands, become a stay at home mom and trophy wife. I was completely baffled, my biggest fear about parenting is being a stay at home mom, especially after the time I have put into earning my education. However, if a guy says his dream job is to stay at home or work from home, he is seen as lazy, uninterested or looked down upon for breaking the societal norms. There are about two million stay at home fathers in the United States parents.

Fathers become the stay at home parent for a number of reasons such as desire to be the primary care taker in the family, the mother has a higher paying salary, or forced by corporate layoffs or illness or even wanting to work from home. While the decision to be a stay at home parent may be a tough one, it comes with many benefits. According to a study in Texas from the Center for Successful Fathering, fathers who are active parents have children with higher grades, bigger dreams and ambitions, fewer anxiety and depressive disorders and reduced risks of delinquency or teen pregnancy.

The decision between child care and a stay at home parent is an important one. There are many things to consider such as finances, access to quality childcare, benefits, drawbacks, societal issues and compromise. In my paper I will discuss these issues and how they impact the child and the stay at home fathers. Greater family participation by the father has been proven to have an impact on children. According to Kimmel, girls who grow up around their fathers have greater career goals in households where domestic duties are shared by both parents. There are also financial benefits such as saving on day care and avoiding the daycare problems. Most importantly, their wives are happier, creating a healthier family environment and reducing the risk of divorce.

Many parents chose to stay at home because they want to enjoy parenting and being present in their children’s lives. Having a stay at home parents allows the parent to see children grow up, have more control for parental control, the desire to want to raise their own kids. Men who have closer relationships with their children have a higher marital satisfaction and better health. They also feel less stress and pressure to be successful, powerful and competitive. Many parents are not comfortable with the idea of daycares. While there are many pros and cons to daycare, it is not even an option for some families. There is no national funding for day-care centers, there is not enough quality daycare centers, it is not affordable and the government and employers do not seem to support or show care for children. However, quality day care has positive effects on children’s curiosity, ability to share, ability to create friendships and preparation for school.

Unfortunately, “quality daycare” is hard to find and can lead to negative consequences such as aggressive behavior, poor social skills, a weaker parental attachment, and a greater risk of anxiety and depression in the child. Twelve percent of women in the United States earn more than 60 percent of the family’s income. Today 3. 7 percent of married couples with children under the age of 15 have the wife as the breadwinner. Many women enjoy their work and were able to have stronger career development such as promotions, education or higher career training and breaking the glass ceiling. Nothing can provide more of an opportunity for wives or mothers to advance than having a stay at home dad, this allows women to chase their dreams and reach their professional goals.

Being a stay at home dad also comes with consequences and draw backs. In addition to the shopping, laundry, errands and taking care of/cleaning up after children- staying at home is a very demanding job. Some people are uncomfortable with a man being the full-time caretaker. One of the biggest obstacles is finding playdates for their children and making social connections and receiving social support. However, luckily there are many ways stay at home dads can become connected with other stay at home dads.

City Dads Group is a national organization that connects stay at home dads living in the same city through meetups, boot camps, podcasts, and outreach. City Dads Group encourages fathers to support one another, share perspective, knowledge and experiences and break the stigma on new parenting.

Another source is Daddit, a dad-focused version of Reddit with over 34,000 subscribers. Dad 2. 0 Summit is another source, bringing dads together online to discuss the mainstream perception of fatherhood. Another way of connecting is Fatherly. com, a site that helps fathers find activities to do with their kids every day, tips and more from other dads for dads. The National At-Home Dad Network is an organization which provides support, education and advocacy for the primary caregivers of their children.

Another consequence of being a stay at home dad is struggling with mental illness and acknowledging they aren’t the breadwinners, making them feel less masculine. Stay at home dads often feel shame, pride, isolation, frustration, delight and ambivalence. Many fathers face a lack of appreciation. Many fathers experience the burden of the stigma of their role, threatening their masculinity. On the other hand, for women working outside of the home increases their self-esteem and sense of personal efficacy and wellbeing. 125 million children are estimated to live in stay-at-home fathering families. Due to previous stereotypes and gender roles, many individuals in society do not agree with men are the primary caregiver.

“Parenting” is not a gender-neutral term. When fathers assist mothers in parenting it is seen as “helping”. The role of the father is viewed as differently than that of the mother. Parenting is something the mother and father should be doing together. We need to redefine parenting. Change is happening, although it will not happen overnight.