Disscusion Of Whether Love Is Enough Reason To Have A Happy Marriage

“I call upon everyone here to witness that, from now on, regardless of health or sickness, rich or poor, I will always cherish and love you until death do us apart, I am here to plight thee my troth.” A vow usually used as the standard, cliché happy ending for a romance story. In the modern society, with the culture of arranged marriage fading out, the love seem to become the prominent reason marriage. Some people believe love is everything a marriage needed, and with love, couples could live happily ever after. However, refer to the declining marriage rate, it is suggested that love may not be enough reason for couples to get into marriage.

Love may not be sustainable enough to maintain a happy marriage. According to a recent research, when the length of the relationship gets longer, less couples feel they are in love with their partners, the frequency of saying “I love you” to their partners is lower compare to those 2-5 years old relationships. The research shows the love, as an emotion, lessen as the relationship gets longer. It is not difficult to understand why love fade out over time. Refer to the triangular theory of love, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment. These three components, a romantic and healthy love relationship could be built. Love, however, usually only based on passion and intimacy, the feeling of falling in love with one another could be changed easily in a moment or faded away over time. The infatuation is short-lived, the length is between approximately 18 months and three years. In contrast, marriage is a sacred long-term relationship, couples plighted to be one another’s lifelong spouse under the vow. Hence, once the romance faded away, the latter part of their marriage may not be happy as the beginning. The imbalance in the period of love and marriage makes love unable to maintain a long-term happy marriage.

A high degree of tolerance is crucial in marriage for couples in order to motivate couples spending their lifetime with one another. Before getting married, couples live as individuals in different places, they are able to enjoy their own pastimes and spaces as they like. After marriage, when two non-identical individuals with different lifestyles and values living together, it would probably lead to arguments and misunderstanding. It is common that differences will lead to argument, yet it is important to tackle the problems through understanding and communicating with one another, as it may loosen the relationship. The two most common reasons of couples getting divorce are growing apart and not able to talk together. Both of these two problems developed from the differences in values. For a healthy marriage, couples are suggested to respect and understand the differences of their spouse and make efforts to seek a balance between contradictions. Consequently, the values of couples get similar through understanding, this helps reduce the chance of misunderstood and conflicts, which may lead to divorce. Thus, the willingness of understanding their own partners and tolerance are essential for couples to get into marriage.

Instead of love, marriage is more about duty and responsibility, hence the financial status should be considered before the marriage. From two individuals to a household, the expenses raise much more than before. Despite the cost of holding a wedding, couples have to pay for the daily expenses, such as rent, taxes, groceries, electricity. The burden should be shared by both of them. If they are not well-prepared in financial speaking, they may find it difficult to avoid budget deficit. As a married couple, it is their responsibility to bear the burden as part of the family, as to maintain the marriage. When couples have stable income to support their expenses life as a married couple, they are more likely to get into marriage as there is less burden. Thus, a relative stable financial status of couples would be one of the reasons to get married.

Some people may believe that the marriage is the final stage of a relationship. Moreover, with love, couples would stay together and conquer every problem. 

Marriage is much more complicated than love relationship, it required sustainability, tolerance and responsibility. People are not encouraged to rush into marriage immediately without considering the other elements which are prominent in developing a healthy marriage. Love is an essential element in a healthy marriage, but never the only reason that people get married. Thus, love is not enough reason to get into marriage.

References

• Dahlgreen, W. (2014, September 23). The science of love over time. Retrieved from https://yougov.co.uk/topics/politics/articles-reports/2014/09/23/science-love-over-time.
• Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93(2), 119.
• Tennov, D. (1998). Love and limerence: The experience of being in love. Scarborough House.
• Hawkins, A. J., Willoughby, B. J., & Doherty, W. J. (2012). Reasons for Divorce and Openness to Marital Reconciliation. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 53(6), 453–463. doi: 10.1080/10502556.2012.682898