The Burden of My Insecurities: How They Affect My Life
As humans, we are often critical of ourselves, fixating on our perceived flaws and shortcomings. For me, there are several things I struggle with, but my social insecurity has proven to be one of the most challenging aspects of my life. Despite being aware of negative traits within myself, my social insecurities have affected my ability to form relationships and engage in social situations. However, by exploring the root causes of my insecurities and seeking support, I have been able to make progress in managing my feelings of inadequacy and building my self-esteem. My insecurities essay will delve into my personal experiences with social anxiety and how I have learned to cope with it, as well as the impact it has had on my daily life. Through sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to recognize their own insecurities and take steps towards self-acceptance and personal growth.
We are meant to be gregarious creatures, yet for me, I tend to be shy and socially introverted. My close friends and family probably wouldn't describe me as shy. However, when I’m in public or somewhere for example school I become very uncomfortable and oftentimes awkward around unfamiliar people. I begin to feel unsure about what to say or worried about what others might think of me if I were to speak or do something. This paranoia has caused me to avoid social situations, cut myself off from others and gradually become isolated and lonely. Because of this I have missed out on multiple teenage and high school experiences, and have gained social anxiety and stage fright.
As far back as I can remember, whenever I've had to give any kind of oral presentation in front of an audience such as a classroom I become horrified to the point of being almost physically ill. In tenth grade, my English teacher, Mr. Jenkins, assigned the class to write an argumentative essay that we would have to present in front of the class for 10 percent of the grade. I didn’t mind writing the essay I was actually quite proud of it. However, I dreaded the fact that I would have to read it in front of my thirty plus classmates. Days and weeks before the presentation, my mind was racing with doubts, “What happens if people think I suck or someone thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about?” Then the day of the presentation was upon me and so was the terror. Minutes before it was my turn to present, I was cowering in my seat anxious every time he would call up the next person hoping and praying it wouldn't be me. Unfortunately, he eventually uttered the phrase to my dismay, “Jordan you're up next.”, and I made my way up to the podium. I was soon standing front and center of the class and looked out to see a vast sea of students sitting and facing me with judgment. My hands began to clam up, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach. As I read my essay aloud I began to feel a lump and tightness in my throat. Then the next five minutes of my life were horrific and seemed to never end. When school or social engagements present themselves I tend to go to great lengths to avoid them.
I always find reasons not to do things such as go to school event, hang out with friends, or even have a conversation with someone my own age. The real problem is I’m scared, scared of rejection, humiliation, and being told I’m not good enough. Even though I have this social insecurity and make excuses for it I know there's no panacea or magic fairy dust that can cure what ails me. Fortunately, I still have time to fix this issue by accepting the challenge to be social and stop obsessing over my awkwardness. I am going to persistently work on getting rid of this quality and made it a thing of the past.
