Online Dating – Romance On The Internet
Introduction
Online dating or E-dating has become a global phenomena in the recent years. This could be attributed to the advent of web 2.0 and the increase in number of people who have access to the internet. The first modern online dating website became available to the users in 1994 known as Kiss.com which was followed by match.com in 1995. By 1996 there were about 40 million dating websites which showed up on Yahoo’s search engine. Online dating in today’s fast and modern world has allowed the users to find their matches in an easier way and this could be confirmed by the number of users using such websites or other mediums in the modern day.
Since the development of the new smart phone; online dating or E dating has also changed platforms, sites that were offering the same services as before having now geared up to provide the services on a different medium which is being used by most of the people and younger generation. 2018 was seen as the most profitable year for online dating with companies in the United States earning a revenue of 555 million dollars with about staggering 37.5 million users out of which 46% of the users use mobile apps to find their match. The top three companies in the United States that lead the pack on the basis of number of users are from the following websites “Match.com, followed by Tinder and PlentyofFish. Match.com belongs to the Match Group, an American internet company that owns and operates several online dating web sites including OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder”.
In addition to this, online dating has allowed people from all over the world to connect and to filter out their preferences. Some online dating apps such as Minder, Muzmatch are designed to help people to find their partners within their own ethnicity and culture. Apps like this have helped people form visible minorities living in the western world to find people belonging to their own religion, preferences etc and has allowed for a more diversity in the online dating world. Moreover, the changing nature of relationships and to some extent opens in the society about sexual orientation and fantasies has allowed for specific apps like Grindr, Fantasy etc. These apps allow for people to be themselves and connect with like-minded individuals. It would not be wrong to say that in the online world there is a website or an app for almost any preference, sexual orientation, kink etc. The question here arises whether true and genuine relationships can be formed over the internet and what are the impacts of this new phenomena on the users and population in general.
Genuine Relationships
Dean Cocking and Steve Matthews shed a light on this topic whether the online world is capable of forming true friendships and relationships through the use of websites and in cyberspace. Both the authors provided the readers with excellent reasons that how the online world due to its nature cannot allow for real friendships or relationships to develop. The first and the most important reason that the authors give is that every person has different characteristics that allow for a personality to be established. Some of these characteristics or actions are carried out voluntarily while other actions are involuntary meaning that the person performing such actions does not realize that he or she is performing such actions. These actions or the lack of certain actions are part and parcel of the personality. According to the authors in the online world it is very easy to manage one’s image and one cannot know about each other’s true self which includes such involuntary behaviors and thus with such an ability to do so, people may form friendships and relationships, but they are with another person not the real person.
The authors make a very valid point in their discussion of online relationships and friendships, it is very common to hear horror stories about catfishing. Catfishing is a term used to describe a fake profile or persona created to lure someone into dating, this can include photoshop pictures, lying about jobs, financial status, jobs etc. Not only can a person manage their true self but also the online world does not allow for involuntary actions to be seen like in the regular world and within the normal paradigms of dating. For example, a person might chew very loudly, and this fact would be clear in the offline world, but it might take some time for it to be prevalent through the use of online dating.
On the other hand, Adam Briggle wrote a response to the paper published by the learned authors and claimed that real true friendships and relationships can be formed in the online world and gives the following merits for his position. The first and foremost thing that Briggle points towards is that the online world helps people explore and show their true personalities and be free of the norms that dictate society and in most of the societies one group, school of thought, sexual preferences, fantasies are considered taboo or are just not accepted. The online world allows for all people to express themselves freely and find like-minded individuals who share the same interests which might be frowned upon by the society. In addition, Briggel also states that our relationships are governed by certain power structures and these power structures and nature of relationships directly tell us what we can and cannot do in front of others. In other words, there are different degrees and varying nature of friendships and relationships and thus what we can share, express and feel are limited while due to the internet these structures, norms etc are eliminated.
Although both of these papers were published 18 and 10 years ago respectively but the arguments made in both the papers hold some value. If we look it from a contemporary perspective; Birggle’s argument holds more weight. In a documentary series released by Vice called Blackout, the first episode explores how LGBTQ community has found solace in finding friends, establishing relationships through modern dating apps such as Tinder, Grinder etc. Through the use of such apps the LGBTQ community in countries like Pakistan, Uganda, UAE can finally express themselves and find true and meaningful romantic relationships as well as form friendships. On the other hand, the religious elements as well as the right wing blame the internet in the same documentary for destroying the socio-cultural fabric of the society through the use of such apps and consider it a western propaganda to influence the prevalent culture within Pakistan. With the advent of modern technology and the invention of new apps such as SnapChat, Skype, and Facetime allows for people to see each other and the chances of catfishing as well as hiding one’s true self have been somewhat reduced.
Issues with Online Dating:
Just with every new technology or fairly new technology there are certain issues that come into play and effect the fabric of the society as a whole. With the advent of online dating; the first and foremost issue that is cited is catfishing. As mentioned above that catfishing is the act of changing persona to attract a potential partner and this has caused a lot of issues for people who see this as an avenue for dating. For example, a hairdresser in London UK was almost abducted because she fell victim to catfishing. Catfishing just does not involve editing pictures, but rather creating a whole fake personality, there have been calls by numerous organizations and activities to pass laws against catfishing which are currently underway in the UK.
Another issue with the modern version of online dating is the sexual harassment of women. A large number of women have come forward about their experiences on dating apps and sites where women have been subjected to verbal violence due to rejecting a potential match. In addition, woman have experienced being sent explicit pictures without their consent. In addition to this; there is no real way of verifying someone’s age or background; and in recent times Tinder and Grinder have come under fire as multiple children were raped and sexually exploited by men via the apps. “More than 30 cases of child rape have been investigated by police related to use of dating apps including Grindr and Tinder since 2015 in the UK. It reports that one 13-year-old boy with a profile on the Grindr app was raped or abused by at least 21 men”.
Conclusion
Since online dating and mobile app dating is fairly a new territory and with each passing day more and more apps are accessible to people. Governments around the world especially Europe are now thinking of regulating these apps and sites due to the reasons cited above such as Catfishing, underage users, sexual harassment of women. It cannot be denied that the future of online dating is bright, and the trends seem to suggest that there will be a further increase in the number of users. It is time for the governments to regulate these apps and sites so that they allow everyone to be free and find their match regardless of sexual preference, orientation, desires with safety and security. It seems like online dating will take over conventional dating in the years to come.
References
- Bakar, F. (2018, February 06). How Muslims date in the age of Minder. Retrieved June 9, 2019, from https://metro.co.u k/2018/02/06/how-muslims-date-in-the-age-of-minder-7267465/
- Briggle, Adam (2008). Real friends: How the internet can Foster friendship. _Ethics and Information Technology_ 10 (1):71-79
- Cocking, Dean & Matthews, Steve (2001). Unreal friends. _Ethics and Information Technology_ 2 (4):223-231
- Flood, R. (2019, June 05). Hairdresser's terror as 'catfish' Tinder date turns out to be four men waiting for her - but police can do nothing. Retrieved June 9, 2019, from https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9218553/tinder-date-terror-catfish-police/
- Flynn, E. (2019, March 05). The rise of online dating has also seen a surge in catfishing... here's how to spot a dodgy profile. Retrieved June 9, 2019, from https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/1754916/catfishing-meaning-identity-steal-online-dating-law/
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- Lomas, N., & Lomas, N. (2019, February 11). Dating apps face questions over age checks after report exposes child abuse. Retrieved June 10, 2019, from https://techcrunch.com/2019/02/11/dating-apps-face-questions-over-age-checks-after-report-exposes-child-abuse/
- News, V. (2017, August 07). Retrieved June 10, 2019, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MC4l_lHmz0
- Williamson, H. (2018, July 14). There's now a dating app that matches you based on your kinks. Retrieved June 9, 2019, from https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/14/theres-now-a-dating-app-that-matches-you-based-on-your-kinks-7715199/
