Pursuit Of Happiness: Understanding And Helping
As of 2018, there are more than seven and a half billion people living on this Earth (World Development Indicators). Each one started out as a newborn baby, innocent and fresh. They had no perspectives, no opinions, and no experience. They were all bright-eyed bundles of flesh and bone with simple minds and unlimited potential. As they began to grow up, they started to differ from one another. Some kids enjoyed playing with barbies while others enjoyed playing with toy cars. Some kids were well cared for with wealthy parents, while others were raised without parents and in extreme poverty.
As they grew, their worlds began to be shaped by their nature and by the way they were nurtured. They began to experience the world on a more adult level as they learned about sickness and death, lost loved ones, learned about murder and other evils in the world, experienced rape and abuse, and failed more times than they can count. They saw divorce, addictions, betrayal, broken hearts, anger, and hate. Each person experienced something negative in their life, but these things shaped who these people were. It’s easy to forget that at one point we were all once a kid on equal playing grounds, because of how different our paths in life have been. We sometimes become so absorbed in our own lives that we forget that we are all in pursuit of happiness, trying to become better than we were before. We are all on the same team, but many people act as if they are a one man army where it’s kill or be killed. Acting this way can help these people rise to the top of the social food chain and can bring great success but it comes with casualties: the happiness of others. As the world evolves, more people fall victim to depression, anxiety, and other mental struggles, such as bipolar disorder, and it’s our fault. In order to help these people, we will try to remember that we all started out in the same place with the same goal: To be happy. Tonight, we will do our best to learn where happiness comes from and then we will discuss what actions we must take to help them.
Happiness is a subjective topic so I want to be careful in declaring where happiness comes from. As I have mentioned, all of us have different backgrounds and experiences that have shaped our lives, so I will discuss a wide range of things that contribute to being happy. Most of you are striving to achieve something great in your lives. You are in the middle of schooling trying to become doctors, lawyers, professors, historians, investors, researchers, and more, because it’s a goal that you have for yourselves. Whether you know it or not, you are trying to achieve this goal because you believe that it will make you happy.
For most of us, the next step in life is to graduate from college and start a lifelong career because that’s just what people do to try to be happy. But does it actually bring joy? One study suggests that when we try to pursue academic and work-related achievements, we will actually find the least amount of joy (Lee). It’s surprising that the one thing we all have in common, school, is the one thing that will bring us the least amount of joy. Something I also find surprising from this same study is that those who prioritize religion are the most likely to find joy in this life closely followed by prioritizing social relationships between friends and family (Lee). I am a religious person myself, but I do not want you to think that I am trying to convert you to believe what I believe. Rather, I am trying to show the sources for happiness and the fact that religion does in fact play a vital role in the happiness levels. I had the opportunity to leave home for two years in order to teach people about my religion and my general findings from talking to strangers every day were that those who didn’t have a belief in a higher power were typically either bitter and angry, or they were sad and lonely. I talked to people with all sorts of backgrounds: catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, etc. Those that were more deeply committed to their religion always appeared to be happier and even kinder.
It’s interesting that people that do not have good homes, food, or jobs can be so happy. I do not necessarily think that it’s because they believe in a higher power. Rather, I believe it is because of the morals that their religions teach. I am most familiar with Biblical-Christian religions so I will use them as an example. In Biblical-Christian religions, such as mine, it is taught that we should love our neighbor and it is even taught that we should love our enemy (Matthew 5:43-44). Assuming that this teaching is being accepted and then practiced by those being taught, the world would be a better place. More love would exist and there would be more understanding of the people that upset us and of the people that are struggling. It is also taught that families have a high importance and should work together to build harmony within a home and the teachings provide a way to achieve this goal. I do not believe that you need to believe in a God in order to try to strengthen your family or to love your enemies. Not denying my religious beliefs by any means, but if when I die I find that religion was a hoax, it would still be worth believing in because some of the teachings made me and the people around me happier. I believe one reason that these religions are established is simply to help make society better. These people have nothing but they have high values on protecting the things most valuable to them, such as their family, and by trying to serve others. Their religion inspires them to focus outward which helps them to have gratitude for their own circumstances. This is a source of happiness for them and it is even proven to be one of the leading sources in happiness (Lee). Going back to the people I met during my two years of teaching religion; those that didn’t have a religious commitment were harsher with me and treated me poorly. When people aren’t happy, they act out and become hostile. This can lead to depression for them or it can lead to depression in others.
Depression has been increasing dramatically in the world and it has affected many people that I know personally. It’s hard to watch these people struggle with their depression, and even harder to hear them talk about why they feel that they are depressed. As of 2018, “depression is the leading cause of disability among people in the United States” and it “ranks among the top 3 workplace issues in the United States” (Facts). If you want to know how many people will be affected by depression, think of your own family. If you come from a family of five, then one of your family members will have a mental illness at some point in their lifetime (Facts). It’s a scary statistic, because as one of my good friends once said, “You never know if depression is going to hit you.”
There are causes for the rise in the amount of depression and one of them is because more children are being exposed to traumatic events. “60% of all children will experience a traumatic event before they reach the age of 16” which means that the majority of all children have an increased chance of experiencing some sort of a mental disability, such as depression (Copeland). I have spoken with many people that have struggled with depression and my own experiences match the statistics of how many people struggle with depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. They have explained their reasons to me about why they are struggling with depression and the most typical cause is because of how other’s actions have affected them. For some it was a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were verbally or physically abused, while for others it’s because the people they talk to throughout the day are harsh and cruel to them. For many, it’s because nobody talks to them at all and they feel neglected, isolated, and alone. For some, as I mentioned earlier, it’s because they had hard experiences growing up that they were never able to fully overcome. I understand that there are those that say depression is self-inflicted by people’s poor choices or simply because they are weak-minded and are playing the pity card rather than being caused by other people, but I want to share with you the story of my good friend, John [name has been changed], in order to shed some light on who is responsible for depression.
I met John about two years ago when I became his roommate and coworker and was impressed by his positive attitude and good-hearted nature. I spent every day with him and saw that he was kind to me and all those that he interacted with, and he always looked for the best in people. He tried his best to understand why people would be angry or upset and would help them to the best of his ability. He was a great example for me of what it meant to care for other people. Then, John started to have a change in his cheerful demeanor. He was still kind to other people, but he seemed sad. He shared with me that he has Bipolar disorder and that this sudden change of emotions would happen to him frequently. I was stunned because I never imagined that somebody could go from being so happy to being so sad. It was ironic because John shared my passion for religion and he as well tried teaching people that, “different aspects of religious involvement are associated with happiness” but he was sad because others could not treat him how he wanted and needed to be treated (Krause).
Every day I spent with John, the evidence was strengthened that it wasn’t his fault that he was feeling that way. His family was not very kind to him and he did not have a good support system of friends. Despite being lonely, he gave it his all everyday at work. He never changed anything that he was doing to bring on this depression that he had fallen into. I had many long conversations with him about how he was feeling and what he needed so I knew how to best help him. His biggest struggle that he voiced to me was how badly he did not want this to be happening, because he just wanted to be happy. Everyday was a battle for him to get out of bed, get ready for the day, and get out of the house. He struggled to eat sometimes and would have difficulty talking to people at work. I always wanted to help him but I was not sure how I could. I always thought that we control our happiness, but that’s not entirely true. We do make significant contributions to our happiness through the choices we make and through the priorities that we choose, but as my friend John taught me, we do not fully contribute to our own happiness. There are things out of our control, such as biological factors, traumatic experiences, and the way that other people treat us. In order to better help those that struggle with these mental disorders, we also need to understand what their needs are and how we can meet them.
I did not always know how to help John, so I was very grateful that he was willing to explain to me what he was feeling and what he needed in order to be helped. I had my own ideas about what would work to help him overcome the internal battle that he was having, but I was completely wrong. I tried to help him by doing things that would make me happy. I tried giving him advice about what to do based on what helps me when I’m sad, and then I tried to tell him what was making him sad. I would try getting him gifts and telling him how much potential he had. To my surprise, nothing worked. I had good intentions to help him, but my “ideas on how to help were missing the mark” (Doe). He saw me giving him advice as me trying to control. He saw me giving him gifts as pointless and he saw me telling him how much potential he had as me telling him how much he was failing by not living up to his potential (Doe). He helped me understand what to do and I want to discuss what helps with people when they are struggling and how to help them when it seems like nothing is working. I can almost guarantee that as I have been talking, someone has come to your mind that you are concerned about that you want to help. If nobody came to your mind, then you will most likely meet somebody soon.
The hardest part, is most of these people suffer in silence because they are afraid that there is no help or that the help that is available will not understand them enough to help. We must be understanding of these people so that we can help them, or even some of you, recover from this serious issue. One of the most important things you can do is not make the same mistake I made of telling somebody that they aren’t living up to their potential or that you are giving up hope on them (Propst). It’s damaging when a person struggling with any form of a mental disorder starts to believe that they are not believed in and that they cannot do better. Do not lose hope on these people because they can change and they can do it with your help. The next thing to remember is to not become frustrated with these wonderful friends of ours. When we tell them that they are acting out of place or like a fool, they fall deeper into the hole that they are struggling to climb out of (Propst). There are going to be days when you want to give up on the person because you’re trying your best to help them but it only appears that they are getting worse. It is going to seem like you can not succeed and you’re going to want to take out your frustrations in anger on the very people you are trying to show love to. Do not fall into this trap. Do not become frustrated with them just because they made a mistake or because they are feeling down.
Finally, the most important thing you can do is to simply be there for the person you are trying to help. As a human species, we do not want to fall victim to the woes of loneliness, abandonment, and hopelessness. We depend on other people to help us feel a sense of belonging and to feel loved. It’s all any of us really want. To help fulfill this need of ours, we need to be understanding of people. How quick are you to rise to anger? How quick are you to become frustrated? How quick are you to judge others and to abandon them because it is not your problem? It’s time that we start honestly evaluating ourselves because I think we lie to ourselves daily saying that we are doing great and that we are making a real difference in this world, but it’s not true. We have all been taught since our elementary school days that we have the power to change the world. You have been taught that you can change the world all by yourself. I believe that if you want to change the world, you need to do it with others and start by looking to help one person at a time. A study about the happiness of the Chinese people revealed that “happiness is more about individual functional capability” which shows that we need to focus on individuals (Cheng). Change your way of thinking so that you can help these people overcome their problems. I believe that their problems are your problems too, because if you do not help them, then you will start to fall into the same hole they are in by becoming lonely and abandoned.
Happiness is a curious and sometimes elusive objective, but it’s possible to obtain it while we go through this mortal journey on Earth. For most, happiness is obtained by seeking out religion and by devoting themselves to a higher power and to a community of people with a similar faith. They are taught to love others and to serve which makes them happy. For others, happiness comes from seeking out worldly pleasures, such as money, cars, and nice houses. For others, happiness comes from being successful and having power. If we will grasp the concept of happiness, where it comes from, and that it’s different for everybody, then we will be able to help those that are struggling to be happy to find their own happiness and overcome their struggles.
Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other mental disorders are spreading throughout the country and they are spreading fast. As the world continues to grow and become more fast-paced, it will become easier to fall victim to one of these ruthless enemies. Luckily, each one of you can help to prevent and treat this plague by reaching out to others and helping them feel loved. People need to feel understood in order to overcome these trials they face, and they need to know that someone is there for them. I believe that you have a responsibility to help people struggling with these things, because we are all to blame for a contribution to people’s anxiety and depression. I understand that it’s not completely our fault because there are biological factors, external experiences of trauma, and other external sources that are out of our control, but we are still to blame for not easing the burdens of others. Too often do we think only about ourselves and how we can succeed in life. If you remember what I said before, the greatest source of happiness came from working with other people to help them feel loved while the weakest source of happiness came from seeking out power and money(Lee). I challenge all of you to seek out someone in need and help them to know that you are there for them every step of the way. As you do this, you will start to unite the human race to the team that we all started on when we came to this Earth, and you will begin to turn into a better version of yourself.
