The Challenges Of Becoming A Writer
Throughout my years of taking English, I was never able to understand the concept of putting all of my ideas onto paper. The reason being was that before I even put down a word, I would think to myself how I could formulate a sentence to make it sound like it was written by the Globe and Mail. Looking at this as an extremely stressful task I turn to plagiarism as the solution to my problems. I believed it was the best way to exceed the expectations of my teachers as well as an excuse to meet deadlines. Unfortunately, I did have to suffer the consequences as it was considered academic dishonesty. Not only that but I was warned that if I continue this pattern I could get expelled in the future. That’s when my eyes opened and during that time I questioned myself as to why I took that risk. The answer was that it was my weakness, not my choice. I think my principal realized that as well since he knew I wasn’t the first student who has done this “mistake”. Deep down I was aware that I’m capable of doing much better though at the same time, I had a habit of refusing to submit work that was nowhere near my standards. I wondered what you call this type of behaviour that never leaves you satisfied.
After spending hours researching online I was able to find a name, Perfectionism. This has become so common nowadays that it’s now referred to as having “analysis paralysis” or even “perfection infection”. The perks of living a life as a perfectionist involves more than just copying a couple words off websites. It also involves you being overly jealous of other writers, getting angry if someone corrects your work, forgetting your ideas when you finally get the confidence to write etc. That being said, the worst of all is you secretly love being a perfectionist because it’s the reason your work turns out so well. However, in reality one day will come where I will need to leave my frustration aside and move on. I might not be happy and that’s completely okay and time will help me comprehend that. Finding a solution for perfectionism is not as easy as searching up home remedies for when you get a sore throat. I’m so used to it playing with my mind and being the lurk behind my secret anxiety which has transformed me into the human being I currently am.
Regardless of what I feel I tell myself not to give up because I know that the passion of writing is still there, why else would I be torturing myself so much? To begin with, I will re-evaluate my standards into something more realistic so I can prove to myself how irrational they used to be. I should also consider taking out words like flawless from my dictionary because I’ve been told that no one is perfect in this world. Secondly, a skill that is very important to practice is to make decisions and then trusting them. As a child I was never able to pick whether I wanted cereal or oatmeal for breakfast, so I’d eat both and would find that much easier. Later on, I would regret it because all that would do is mess up my digestive system. The same goes for writing, I always find a way to incorporate both of my ideas but in the end they go in two different directions, and make your story sound awful.
One routine I would also like to get into is to practice of is writing, which is part of the reason why I’m taking Writer’s Craft. So far it has been draining the energy out of my brain but it’s only to help me improve my writing skills. In my opinion, if I dedicate my time and effort to this routine I will be able to trust my words again. By facing these challenges I hope to become brave enough to confront failure. It is normal for an average human to fail at something. As for a perfectionist it may seem just as equivalent to facing death and as over exaggerated that sounds, it’s the truth. We usually have a book full of excuses that lists out reasons on why we can’t succeed which is why I need to learn to change my perspectives. I basically view every unsuccessful attempt as a failure. If I make this possible not only will I accept failure, but I will also embrace each and every mistake I make. This is because I’ve been told that when a piece of writing appears too good to be true, it may come across as being uncreative or superficial. This idea will help me thinking realistically and progress in life overall. I find that having a positive mindset for every human being becomes a necessity since we are always bounded by negative energy that our minds create when our needs aren’t met.
Therefore, if I start thinking with this type of manner then I’m sure I will be able to escape this nightmare for good. With failure comes with the tendency to give up and what can help me continue is if I persist in what I have to get done and resist what I’m supposed to avoid. Even though persistence is important, it’s not good to repeat your actions in order to reach your goals. Perhaps, if I look at my past errors and think about where I went wrong, will put me back on track. In addition to that using experience as my tool will also help me making adjustments and corrections along the way of this new journey that I am taking on. One of the biggest skills I also lack is confidence and courage, instead of spending time to create the person I desire to be, I spend it in finding myself. I believe that when people are confident they get their job done faster and make writing enjoyable rather than a complicated and dreadful task. As a teenager, I want to be someone who has a healthy self-esteem and be unique. It gets tough to get that type of appearance when you’re someone with an intrapersonal personality. This because during most times you get very shy and awkward. That’s when you begin to imitate others so you could fit in and society would have interest in you. It’s like you’re given two pathways but you choose the dangerous one just people are less likely to go on that path. It’s clear as day that in the end you will be the one who will need saving but that’s another disadvantage of perfectionist’s like me.
The ideas that attract us stay with us otherwise it’s just a matter of one thing going in one ear and out the other. I want to be able to look in the mirror every day and say, I am the one in charge. Even though, I might not have control over every stage in my life, I have more control than I know, and the fate of my own happiness and success is in my hands. This problem hurts me the most because it’s destructing my mental and physical health. It’s so brutal to where I have developed this intense habit of pulling my hair out, in fact I’m even doing it right now. My legs are crossed, my hands are shaking and my whole body is shivering as if I swam in a frozen lake in Antarctica. It is 2: 00 am and I’m doing the most tedious job, punctuation. I don’t what the Greeks have against me to create such a tortuous thing. Even how perfectionists do this skill is very different then how others do it, I’ll explain. For those who write a lot they repetitively use commas so they can keep on going.
Whereas, someone like me would only continue writing if they know their syntax and grammar is correct. This is exactly what holds me back as I already have to stress about putting words in the order that sounds professional yet makes sense. Now I have to waste another eleven hours to make sure I put periods, exclamation marks, comma, apostrophes, quotation marks, colon, and semi-colons where necessary. I’m the type of person to say “Never does she commit mistakes” instead of simply saying “she never makes mistakes”. Furthermore, what makes punctuations a trouble for me is not having constant confusions on which type of punctuation goes where. I could skip this process and stop being dependent on peer editors to do this for me my piece of writing won’t be worth reading. Not only will it cause misunderstanding but will take away the meaning, and won’t be able to convey my message. It’s during times like these I need strategies to improve my overall writing, not just punctuation. Every capable writer needs to have the ability to communicate. The solution to that could be as straightforward as reading books, it would give me the opportunity to observe how the author uses various techniques of writing to have an ongoing flow. Another strategy would be to make drafts. Part of the reason why I get scared when I start a piece of writing is that once I add changes to what I have written before, I can’t get that information back. If I were to have several drafts I would be able to refer to my previous work and look at the process as a whole. As a visual learner, I adore using graphic organizers as it’s a great way to record your thoughts in a more creative and systematic manner.
The same goes for outlines as well, which are extremely useful for planning to write an essay. You have to put it in the typical order of thesis first, your arguments second and notes on what to put in your conclusion, third. Another benefit of using these strategies for someone like me is that it helps to control your thoughts and avoids other distractions. In other words, it helps you stay focused on a single idea because now your brain is being told what to do. To make this clearer I am individual who needs instructions rather than being left on my own to figure it out. I was very lucky to know this about myself as it certainly going to help me in the long-run. All in all, writing has always been a huge passion of mine and will continue to be one regardless of the ups and downs I have experienced throughout the years. It showed me that not only do I have the potential to become an exceptional writer but I will also make the people around me very proud. Who knows, ten years from now people will be coming to me, chanting my name “Zeba!” “Zeba!” “Zeba!” Asking me to sign the cover of my own book.
