A Time That Scared Me
When family and friends separated in the beginning of 2016. No more holidays celebrated at grandmas house and no more going out on fridays with all my friends, everything changed in front of me. I hated the fact that we only where all together at a funeral it was depressing felt alone I wasn't even close with my mom like I was before.
My friends all stop chilling with me besides some that I've been with since day one but some of them where doing their own thing at home some bull shit going on so I understood but I was still depressed and I repressed all the time because I was obsessed with being around people but it was bad because I wasn't even close with my family and that's what hurt the most and then a friend I've known since kindergarten past she killed herself because she was tormented and bullied and I didn't even see she was sad she put on a mask that smiled just like me and behind it she was grieving badly. As the year went by I tried to feel more connected with my friends and family even if we didn't talk as much I tried so I can know what their going through and I broke through to most of them still working with some of them. I go through my days like a breeze never reminiscing about the pain that I felt because I’m closer with my friends and family now, telling them I love them every chance I get because you never know when it's their time to come or yours and when my friend past her death left me grieving but felt her presence like she was watching over me and every move I took I knew I disappointed her and disappointed my mother and father.
They just want the best for me, but I seem to be a failure because ever hobby sport I don't succeed trying to find inner peace and not to let my mistake define me and this story is like “The fall of the house of Usher’ because in that story Usher sister died and her passing haunted him, and eventually killed him. That's how I felt when my friend past she was a little sister to me, and my family and friends separated I was going insane with all of the pain to much pressure for a kid I can barely stand with a smile on my face without breaking down remembering the laughs that I shared with the ones close to me and this is a true story. That's what scared me the most feeling alone and helpless to myself and I couldn't save my own friend since way back because I didn't see how she really was through the looking glass affected by the sadness brainwashed kids, what if I’m not able to save one of them again, but let's pretend everything is alright like it should've been back then and till my death i'ma smile and tell everyone I know I love them even through are differences.
Because we got little time on this earth and most of us won't live past twenty-one because this drugs love and hate we all feel the same pain trying find are ways through the darkness that consumes us and we rage up. I want to feel happy all the time and not hate this world and living so i’m gonna keep moving with the flow and hopefully god sends me more blessings than before so I can smile for real and laugh with my friends and family for the little time we have together. People dying every day and we could be next up in line and reach are fate love yours. So when im scared im gonna get back up and keep fighting to feel joy and fill the void that I fill inside and rejoice for the longest time because I destroyed my old self.
