Apocalyptic Peregrination

As we enter this world we are often welcomed with love and affection from parents and family. It is inconceivable that that affection could be lost into an unknown chasm. During your youth you are unbenign and unaware of any wrong in the world meeting other young people at nursery and progressing to primary school. I remember this period with sombre affection and loving parents. It was a happy time. It also is where I did not have to find a skill set as like most kids everything was done for me. I just had to wake up and go to sleep. A happy journey! Just as the years went by and life progressed I found that my life was taking a different turn. I began to feel that hell had risen into my life. Parental dichotomy of thought drove me into a new unwelcoming world. Reflecting on my young life I became disturbed when I came across an article from the journal, Psychological Science.

This article was questioning the ability of people looking back at their young lives and what they could really remember. My thoughts turned to would anyone believe what I was reflecting on at this stage of my early life? It was probably at the age of going to Primary school that triggers some memories. This was reality and I do remember. It was a quiet time as I think about it, I was a loner and did not have many friends. Why was this I ask? Was it my interests? Or was it my other friends? My home life compared to some of the other kids was not as disenfranchised. Life appeared to be good as far as I can remember, my emotions were uncluttered and my mind unscathed.

Then, an apocalyptic scenario took place, it felt like I had taken a wrong turn on this happy journey. I began to feel like an outcast. My life had been shattered. My world was in free fall. Yes, this was real and not some fantasy. I ask myself why is it that parents want to destroy young people's life’s? At this juncture my head was filled with parental garbage and I was emotionally affected by this entire trauma that I had no control over. It was all over relationships with my grandparents whom are very close to me. My parents were wishing to fragment this relationship and I felt like I was torn apart with it. The cacophony from the rows still haunts me. I was only nine years of age and I now can understand where broken homes emanate from and why. I was at the nadir point of my young life! It was decided that the family should move away to another part of the country to distance my grandparents and other relatives from me. I was devastated. I was left with a dichotomy! Should I do A Dick Whittington? Truncated from normal family life I became ostracised from my immediate family and had to extricate myself from this chasm of hell I had experienced. I hatched a plan. However, this scenario was bitter with all my belongings being taken from me for my mother's delusions. My TV, Xbox and phone became forgotten treasures.

My grandparents were also being driven away from me to my despair. We had already been to court to get a visitation for me every second weekend but this was not always met. This was my bolthole. We had already planned a holiday to London with my grandparents and I was going to take full advantage of this to create escape route. I packed a holdall with as much as I could clothes, games, things from my childhood. I was shaking all the road to my grandparents' house feeling like I might get stopped by my mother at any time. However, fate was with me and off I went to my grandparents, some way away on the pretext of going for a wee holiday. My heart was pounding but I had extracted myself from that hell. I was free. This was certainly an emotional point in my life, it felt like my zenith junction.

Off we went to London on that wonderful escape route as I envisaged in my plan. It was coming to fruition. After a few days had passed I received a call from my mother asking when I would be home. The next words came surprisingly quick, “I am not coming home. ” I could hear gasps of air and foul language but the deed was done. I had done a Houdini. disappeared without a trace. I felt free from all that anger. The next chapter of my life had begun. Behind all this rhetoric I learned later that my grandparents had contacted their lawyer to secure my custody. It felt as though I had been in jail. And now arriving back in Scotland on my way to my grandparents’ home I felt free. It felt the trauma had left my frail body and mind. Calls came fast and furious putting the guilt complex onto myself. I ignored these and felt like my escape plan had come to rest. I did attempt to see my younger sister but to no avail and this just fractionated the relationship further. Some three weeks later and the court case arrived for the custody of me. Again, I was being put through a mangle but this time I came out as a flat sheet not crumbled. No longer was I the gladiator fighting for peace and tranquillity. My journey was coming to a rest! Now that the storm is over and I am sailing with calm waters navigating myself to a brighter future. My earlier years at high school were fraught with failure due to the holocaust of previous events.

The fourth-year exams were a disaster and it wasn’t until my fifth year that I took responsibility for my education and for my future. It was a jag from my grandparents and external support that brought my focus on my exams. New targets and goals with a sophisticated work programme brought me to a major success. I was euphoric and proved to myself that one can achieve if motivated and focussed on goals. If only I had realised that earlier. My emotions had reached their tipping point my sixth year at school and dénouement of my journey are at the end of some troubled past not to be visited again. I have my eyes and mind focussed on gaining good exam results to enter a new world of further education. I am heading for a course to achieve an HNC and HND in computer aided design and then onward to enter University with world as my oyster. Also, with finale of my experience I obtained a car from my grandparents for doing well and achieving what I thought was impossible this year. My heart and emotions are fulfilled. This is the end of an apocalyptic peregrination.