Effective Ways To Say I Am Sorry
Last week on the show, we talked about the importance of apologizing and why some people find it hard to apologize. Saying I am sorry like we said last week is never a sign of weakness but a Hallmark of strength. It simply passes across a message which says I value my relationship more than my ego. While saying I am sorry sounds so easy, it is important that we make the apology heartfelt and genuine. An apology should be more than mere recitation of 'magical words'. It is imperative we take practical steps to support the change we intend.
- Say it and mean it. It is far more productive to allow your guilt to move you into taking responsibility for your actions and into validating your partner's feeling if hurt. Apologizing should stem from deep regret. When you deeply regret your actions, you wish you can go back in time and make it right. Before apologizing, you must first of all, accept that you have indeed done wrong. Make your apology specific by accompanying it with the mention of what you did or didn't do.
- Do it at the right time Saying I am sorry in the heat it an argument sometimes is like adding fuel to the fire. It has little or no effect as the person is still deeply hurt. Time they say heals all wounds. It is wise to let the issue cool off a bit before approaching it with your apology. A calmer person listens better than an aggrieved soul. When your partner is a lot calmer it gives you an opportunity to address whatever it is that happened better.
- Do not be defensive When you acknowledge that you hurt your partner by stating it clearly, their anger immediately gets deflated. If you go about explaining why you did what you did and trying to prove you aren't at fault by using the word 'but', it completely invalidates the first part of the sentence. Avoid as much as possible the word 'but'. Do not be defensive, take responsibility for your actions.
- Watch your body language The manner in which you apologize is very important. Make sure that your body language expresses what you feel. Except distance is a barrier, it is imperative you apologize in person maintaining eye contact. Keeping arms crossed or akimbo suggests pride and unrepentance. Your entire focus should be on the person you are apologizing to.
- Ask what you can do to make it right. This shows you are ready to make amends. By asking the question, you put the offended party in a position of control of how the outcome of the situation could play out and this helps them express what they need to move past the hurt.
What has been done has been done and cannot be altered by apology. However, a genuine apology can ease and release the stress. When we apologize genuinely, it goes a long way in affecting the future of our relationship. We heal ourselves whenever we refrain from repeating an action that we understood to be hurtful to our relationship.
