Generalized Anxiety Disorder In My Life

Hi, my name is Sarah Carver and I have anxiety. I always had a thought that my dad was nervous and concerned ever since I was a child, but never truly knew. It was always him rushes to places thinking we were extremely late but were always 2 hours early. But when I went back home (which is Africa) and I visited all of my uncles and aunts and I realize where he got it, they all have the same mentality. On my dad side, everyone has anxiety but doesn’t know it because of the cultural differences. It’s kind of a blessing and a curse not knowing what you have and being OK with it and living your life to your best ability. Whenever I first noticed I had anxiety was probably 4th grade I think it was when I had my first major math test it wasn’t really a test but I treated it like one. I and my dad would study for it every day for it even though it was just about multiplication, it was easy. However, I just remember taking the test and afterward being so caught up and obsessing about each question thinking that I got every last one wrong. This feeling never left it got worse, each test, quiz, and exam I was stressed over and over again.

These feeling continued throughout middle school too. And around this time people around me were getting friends and hanging out after school and going to each other's houses, so I would ask my parents if I could do the same and it was always no. They were so paranoid that something would happen to me that they would never let me have too many friends, which is why I suffered from social anxiety later in my life. When I began high school, my anxiety went a completely different direction: my schoolwork and public life. I had this fascination with trying to be the greatest student receiving the greatest grades. I would worry over the slightest task because I wanted it to be impeccable. I unconditionally hated any kind of in-class debate or class presentation. Any slightly stressful social burden would proceed to send my heart beating out of control. I would get anxious, intermittently feel nauseous, and, in intense situations, since that, I was about to black out. Near my senior year of high school, I ultimately understood these “moods” were not regular. I gradually started to detach myself from individuals and evade any type of public responsibilities. I didn’t partake in actions I used to love, and my bed soon came to be my best friend, absorbing my cries every night.

My nervousness and anxiety took over my life and had started to turn into something that I never thought would happen… depression. Departing my room started to become an enormous chore and I didn’t feel pleased with everything and anything. When I got to the end of my senior year, I understood I wanted to do anything to take action and get a hold of my life. My mom and dad also understood something changed in me, but couldn’t understand why. I had to show that I truly cared about my mental health, and contacted a therapist. I started to feel overwhelmed and pathetic, especially seeing my dad living his whole life with it without any help. However, I recognized it was a thing I had to fix to save for myself from the black hole that my mind was turning into. Luckily, my therapist was capable to evaluate my condition, told me an understanding diagnosis, and helped me get appropriate treatment. She expressed to me that I have been experiencing Generalized Anxiety Disorder, alongside social anxiety, I also have depression. She offered different options, although we both recognized medicine would help the best. I remained uncertain if I wanted to take and I didn’t know if it would work that well. Surprisingly, I was mistaken. I almost immediately feel a change. Near the end of senior year, I definitely sensed that I was finally acting like myself and not letting my fears taking control.

Now, I’m a moderately prospering college junior. I hope one day I can say that every day my life is blissful and I never experience with anxiety or depression at all. Most of the time it is like that, but of course, I have not so good days. And on those bad days, I pray and let God help me through it. I expect that one day I won't need medication and ill wake up and not feel an emptiness inside, but until I see that say I will continue to live my best life.