Bullying In Middle And High School
Life is full of lessons; we either learn from them, or we don’t. When I was growing up, I looked up to my peers. I felt like I had to fit a certain mold, for everyone to like me; making sure I was up to date on fashion, appearance, and trends. Looking back on those moments, I wish I told myself not to care about other people’s opinions of me. The advice I’d give to myself is that looks don’t matter, because personality does.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” (Baruch, n.d.). This quote speaks to me in many ways because I cared what people my age thought of me. I assumed that if I wasn’t pretty, slim, or popular then that meant I wasn’t enough. This feeling of worthlessness started back in middle school. Middle school is a time in one’s life where things become awkward. My hair was growing long, my outfits were not up to date, and I didn’t have the healthiest eating habits. Beautiful girls would make snide remarks about my appearance, using words such as ‘ugly’ or ‘nasty.’ Those words stuck with me for many years, and within those years I desperately wanted to change their views on me.
High school made every negative thought in my brain become worse. Highschool was like a movie where the cheerleaders and jocks ruled the school. If I wasn’t one of them, then no one would have noticed me. I bleached my hair blonde, spent money on pointless outfits, and tried to ‘act’ a certain way. Changing my whole façade didn’t really change my popularity status. Even though I was able to sit with the pretty girls, however, I still felt empty inside. No matter what I did, or how much money I’d spend, I still wasn’t ‘cool enough.’ I lost myself for people who would not matter years down the road. I developed an unhealthy eating habit, so I could lose weight in hopes of fitting in. It wasn’t until after high school that I realized it all did not matter. All the clothes, expensive jewelry, and size zero pants would be washed away into the past. Once I graduated and dropped some toxicity from my life, is when I found myself.
A few years after high school I decided to lay low and be with myself. I ended up meeting wonderful people who fell into my life with no effort involved. I was no longer the ‘annoying girl’ anymore. I discovered who I was once my hair turned back to brown, and my outfits were no longer prissy. I spent some time being alone after high school, so I could figure out who I was and who I want in my life. The weight was lifted off my shoulders, and the caged bird was free! I kept my hair curly instead of straight, and I decided to allow myself to love whoever the hell I wanted to love. I sought help for my detrimental decisions and started to hang out with people who lifted me up! Once I started to surround myself with different people, I was able to learn from each one of them. I made mistakes, I partied, I let loose, and I laughed until I cried! I met a group of friends who loved my jokes, and my ideas. These people supported everything I did and would correct me if I was wrong. This experience was refreshing and life-changing because I no longer felt depressed. I was discovering myself at my own pace, and that was beautiful.
If I knew back then, what I know now, then things would have been different. I would have been saved from all the hurt, the changing, and self-destruction. I would tell my old self that my personality is beautiful and very important. I have learned throughout my years that looks fade, people change, and what is ‘cool’ now, won’t be cool forever. I have turned into a tough woman, who is still learning and making mistakes every day. I have taught myself to always stand up for what I believe in, regardless of what people may say.
