Nobody Knows My Life Story - Example Paper
Hello, Sorry for being anonymous. You may want to read through the below content to judge if the anonymity is justified. I am 26, male, working in IT in India. I chose to write essay about your life where I will share something about myself. Below is the story of my life that no one knows about. From past 15-20 years I have been living a dual lifedual personality as I was being eaten out from inside due to the series of incidents that have shattered my confidence, faith in myself, hampered my growth. I am from a middle class, orthodox & slightly stereo type family from a city.
When I was five, my parents fought very often. It started affecting me from that age itself. The fights were very nasty (not physical though). This induced a sense of constant, needless fear in me whenever I was insideoutside my home and whenever I was awaywith my parents.
To continue history of my life essay, when I was six, I and my parents used to sleep on the same bed in the same room. One night I woke up due to some weird sound and found out that my parents were having sex on the same bed beside me. The sounds from them made me very very very uncomfortable and I instantly knew what they were doing. For the next one week I kept thinking about it in my school(I was in 1st standard). After a week I thought I forgot about it, only to realise a decade later how deep of a scar it has had on my mental health.
When I was six, we went to play with the neighborhood kids. There was a guy who was 6-7 years elder to me, he kissed me and forcefully lied on me and I don't even know how to say this. I did not let anyone know about this as I was too scaredembarrassed. I knew what he did to me. This sort of opened up a phenomenon for myself, which I was too young to handle.
By the time I turned 12 I was done the same by 4 other guys. And all the 4 guys were my cousins. The first one called me to his home to watch TV, he was probably 10-12 years elder. The second one, when I had gone to my granny's place for holidays, he was 15 years elder to me. Third one again during vacation at granny's place, he was an aspiring police officer and at least 20 years elder to me(He is the eldest of all us cousins) and the fourth one was just one year elder to me, when he did that I was literally devastated from inside and the horrific idea of perceiving that everything that happened to me sexually was very normal.
There was no love around me, there was no love inside me - that is needed to mention in my life essay. All my cousins who I was very close to stopped keeping in touch because of some property issues within the family. I joined a new school where I learnt expletives (gaalis) of the worst kind and started to use them in every sentence of mine when I was out of home. I was this studious topper and seeing me abuse, everyone was amused(that's what I felt and want to share in story about life essay). When I entered 7th grade I started taking interests in small gang wars and grew a horrible horrible attitude. This made me recognizable in the crowd. I felt that I was being loved for this horrific change in attitude.
When I was in 6th grade (11 Yrs), a couple of neighbors for a new year party who were in their college, made me watch the hardcore porn. My parents continued to fight and make love beside me throughout these years. My cousins continued to use me for their sexual pleasures. I had no soul left within me. I found my mental escape in watching porn there after. I became a porn addict from there. I didnât want to feel the intimacy, I did not want to discover how lovemaking is an art, I wanted to know why is everyone after sex. I wanted to experience what others were taking out of me.
This addiction greatly decreased my potential and made me a cynical psychopath while I was still in my 8th standard. I was a swimmer & had won state level competitions for 2 consecutive years. My parents were hoping that I would clinch a national level nomination during my 8th std(14 years back, only swimmers in the above 14 years of age group were eligible to go national). But I lost it & then came degrading comments from my mother which further shrunk me.
What else I want to mention in narrative essay about life is humiliation from parents: While I was a bright kid & used to graspdigest things much faster than my classmates, the plummeting of my performances across every field be it academics, extra curricular and swimming were clearly visible to everyone around me. Probably my parents thought that the best way to bring me back on track was to humiliate me. Then came two years of worst phase of my life where my parents left no stone unturned to make me feel worst about myself. Everytime I received beatings along with choicest of the humiliating words, I stood there in our hall-destroyed & scared. This has remained with me till now when I handle a pressurized taskactivity, my teammates see that fear on my face. They just don't know from where this grew within me.
To find an escape from past sexual abuse, porn, parents fights I met certain friends in my new school (Changed from local language medium to english medium school) and started smoking(When I was in 9th std). I found it different, new and refreshing. My neighbours who had shown me hardcore porn made me drink beer. The happiness quotient of this was equal to that of smoking.
During my 10th class I again changed my school. This was a great school. I studied with the students who were way more smart than me. When the results came, I surged ahead of all of them and everybody was stunned! I did nothing extraordinary. I was hoping my father would put me in the best college of my city (since I got good % & no donation was required, I was in the 1st list), but to my utter disappointment he put me in the most convenient option available then. We were still financially doing good.
Just like the college, I got all 2nd class friends. Bunking classes, smoking, drinking, gang wars this was my life. I found all my certainty, love, significance doing the above mentioned things. I did not know how far would it take me.
I wanted to work hard for UPSC, clear it & serve my country. I expressed this before my dad and he succeeded in making me drop this idea by again saying the things that hurt me a lot. I was made to go to Bangalore to take coaching on CAT. I only attended 50% of the classes. I was too too scared of failure. What if I worked hard & failed in CAT? My parents would probably have strangled me. I used to sleep, sleep and sleep in my room. Because sleep was one activity where in I found myself at peace.
As expected I could not clear CAT but I got my joining date of the company where I was recruited during campus placements. I came to Mumbai. I was desperate to find someone who I can sit with, grow with(as a person). But I did not. In pursuit of this search I have shelled away more money than my actual capacity. Till I realized it, it was already too late. I went to pubs, plush restos, beachresorts finding something that I feel is absolutely necessary to live a stable life. I am so far unable to.
To conclude example of life story essay, I have this attitude of being non-compromising in everything I do. I just love perfection. I am in pursuit of developing my ideas into something of my own as I have realised off late that its is the most treasured thing to have. But as I begin to focus on doing that all of the above points come screaming into my mind reminding me how hopeless, incapable, weak, shallow person I am.